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What makes someone a M.C.P
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Dena Wiltsie Send message Joined: 19 Apr 01 Posts: 1628 Credit: 24,230,968 RAC: 26 |
Cynthia only relized after I devoiced her what she had lost and I am not a whimp i'll take only so much then draw a line in the sand and if you cross it then I'm done and she went to far crossed the line and it was over There is the problem. Both partners need to understand what they want out of a marriage and they need to talk about it before the marriage. If a partner finds their needs are not being met, they should air their views. If that fails, it's counseling time and if that fails the marriage will fail. I have seen other marriages like this where one person puts up with far to much. Problems are simple to correct when they are small. You allowed this to snowball to the point were there was no way to save the marriage. Should you ever think about marriage in the future, the more work you put in before the marriage will determine how well the marriage will work. On the other hand, you married young and it's possible both of you hadn't formed a clear view of what you wanted out of marriage. It's not so much about being a MCP, but it is a matter of one or both of you not being ready for the realities of marriage. |
Gary Charpentier Send message Joined: 25 Dec 00 Posts: 30651 Credit: 53,134,872 RAC: 32 |
However, the amount is moot as I won't see a penny. He never understood that it wasn't the amount, it was just some recognition that he bears some responsibility for taking care of his children. I would have settled for him buying them a pair of shoes every now and then. I think it is more their system that is broken. Not sure how much the Crown countries cooperate with each other anymore. I know here you can't run from one sovereign state to another and not pay pay pay. Also know once the judgement is entered, you don't have to serve the other party again. The state just serves the employer and siphons. Seeing as she has to serve him, perhaps private service might be an option. We all know sometimes government workers simply want to butt sit and collect a paycheck. |
Blurf Send message Joined: 2 Sep 06 Posts: 8962 Credit: 12,678,685 RAC: 0 |
I agree. A friend of my brother's became a licensed PI about 3 months ago (retired Sheriff) and said he already has had a few clients lined up to find non-paying spouses. |
James Sotherden Send message Joined: 16 May 99 Posts: 10436 Credit: 110,373,059 RAC: 54 |
Still, child support debt never goes away, so you never know... When I was divorced And payed chiled support They didnt tale personnal checks You had to get a money order and mail it to them. I had gotten laid off and fell behind in my child support payments. When I went back to work they garnished my wages for twhat I owed in back support and once caught uo lowerd my payment to what I had to pay each week. That was the way I liked it. No more buying a damn money order and mailing it to them each week. When my last daughter was 17. My ex just dumped her on my doorstep saying you can have her Im sick of her. There was no legal paper work saying I had custody so I couldnt stop paying child support with out getting a lawyer and going to court. So I payed the child support. It was a lot cheaper than going to court and changing custody. But the day she joined the Air Force I was at the court house the same day filing the paper work to stop child support. They actually paid me money back from the filing date. Es, File the paper work. You never know what might happen. But dont let him off the hook. Here in the States they call them dead beat dads. It infuriates me to no end that some guys dont even care about their own kids. [/quote] Old James |
Darth Beaver Send message Joined: 20 Aug 99 Posts: 6728 Credit: 21,443,075 RAC: 3 |
Ess i have been trying to think how i could advise you but i was troubbled by not knowing the full story and thank's for clearing some things up . I'll start be saying you are to kind in saying he is a MCP i would say he is a A-HOLE I was going to advise you to think about maybe not going for child support but after reading your post i will not do that as many males use the excuse that they do not have access to there kids and this is why they don't pay . However you don't sound like you have try'd to stop access to the boys so in the future when they grow up and may try to contact him he will not be able to use the excuse that you stoped him from seeing them and then produce court paper to prove what he is saying to them to get them to hate you . So i will will say to you go for it make the bastas pay .I don't have time for that sort of thing by men . I was going to tell you what i have had to go through with my father but it is not needed . I will however tell you to be 100% honest about what has happen'd CHILDREN ARE NOT AS STUPID AS ADULTS THINK they do know what is going on even if they may be to young to understand it . This is where i was going to tell you about what i thought and what i did when my father's first marriage and second marriage failed but i don't think it is needed i will say thou i was 4 the first time i had to choose in a court room which perent i wished to be with and to young at that age to know . The second time i was 12 when i had to go to court and was asked to decide not only my fate but my sisters and step bro fate . THIS IS SOMETHING NO CHILD SHOULD EVER BE PUT INTO A POSITION OF DOING even thou i was old enough to know what was going on by then . What i told the judge and what i wanted to tell him was 2 different things and i ended up trying to keep myself and my sisters togeather so i could protect them from a evil man . My father whom i have not spoken to since i was 27 i am now 52 . MY younger step bro went with his mother which is what is said to the judge that i thought he would want . I'll finish by saying to you that you needn't worry about your son's turning on you if your ex tries in the future to contact them so long as you tell them the whole truth however your ex will get the biggest shock of his life when he is about 55+ as it's around this time he will reflect on his life relize what he has missed and then have to face up to the fact his boys don't wish to know him and may acutally hurt him if he contacts them and doesn't take no for a answer I am not a touchy feely person in fact i wil step back from people if you come to close to me ( come inside the personal space , 3 feet around you) this is a sign of someone that has been very badly abused and no amount of councilling will change the way i am and it's the main reason i am single . Females don't understand why i don't touch and it's not something i can control not because i'm a MCP . Females do like to be touched and felt loved . I hope you may now understand me a bit more and understand i am not a MCP . Last thing is please understand that the book Men are from Mars and women are from Venus is not about men being MCP's it's about understanding how a man and women think and why they do think the way they do and i only read it after i got devoiced and may actually help your sons to be more forgiving and they will be better equipt to handle a relationship . I'll give you 1 example from the book to give you a idea of what it says . A couple is going out , the guys is ready in 20 mins and goes into the living room to watch T.V till his partner is ready . She comes out with 2 sets of shoes , 1 pair white , the other pair red . She say "honey which pair of shoes should i wear with my outfit" The guy is thinking , ot oh i'm in troubble no matter what i say . So he does the man thing and says the white pair . She looks at him and say's no blah blah and storms off to get ready. The guy thinks WTF just happen'd ,and is now in a grumpy mood before the night has even started and so is she . Now the correct answer is to say "honey what pair do you think goes with your outfit " she says Blah Blah and then goes of to get ready . The guy goes back to watching the T.V still in a good mode and so is she. Why does this answer work ? . Well your woman is not asking you to solve a problem and pick the shoes , as she already made her mind up which shoes she is going to wear , she just want'd to know you where paying attention to her getting ready No MCP just good advise and there is also advice in this form for female to understand why men do what they do EG: Why do men switch off when women talk to much . The answer is we are wired differntly a man only talks about 3000-5000 words a day a women speaks 7000-10000 words as they are more expressive so this is why men switch off not because there MCP's it just the way we are wired up in our brain so lady's it's just something you have to accept . In other words the book teaches both to be tolerant of each other ways and not argue over stupid things . It has tought me a few things but then i learnt a lot of things like this thanks to my rick of a old man and the mistakes he has made |
Darth Beaver Send message Joined: 20 Aug 99 Posts: 6728 Credit: 21,443,075 RAC: 3 |
Dana we did discusse what we both wanted and this is part of why i drew the line in the sand . She did want a family but because of other people that interfered and influenced her she changed her mind on things . I try'd the counseling thing but she didn't think she needed to have it , i was the one whom needed it so ????? Oh and just so you all know the only person i felt comfortable around to be able to be touchy feely was my wife just so you don't read the other post and say AHHHH that's why Yes we where young when we meet but we did not marry untill nearly 5 years after we meet she was 21 and i was 23 so may be not so young ! |
Es99 Send message Joined: 23 Aug 05 Posts: 10874 Credit: 350,402 RAC: 0 |
Ess i have been trying to think how i could advise you but i was troubbled by not knowing the full story and thank's for clearing some things up . I have not stopped him having contact with his children. He knows exactly where they are and has our address and phone number. He just doesn't use it. We even offered to find him somewhere to stay if he wanted to visit. In the end it is up to the kids if they want a relationship with their father. My youngest is not interested. My oldest wants to try and also maybe punch him on the nose. He is upset because he now has two half-sisters he has never met and his dad hasn't even bothered to tell him the name of the latest one. I was going to tell you what i have had to go through with my father but it is not needed . Glenn, I understand you are upset about being accused of being an MCP. Unfortunately books like this don't help as they are simplistic and they tend to stereotype men and women. Everyone likes to think their partner pays attention to them. This isn't a male or female thing. What is different is that women have been conditioned from a young age to pay attention to other people's needs, whereas men have not. So if men need to read a book to tell them how to do that, that kind of proves my point. I applaud you for trying to figure it out and make things better, but what some of us have been trying to tell you is that these differences are not actually natural or even good. They are products of the society we have been raised in and unless we accept that they are founded on sexist beliefs and prejudices, things won't get better. So there are times when you come across as sexist, but only because you are responding to the unconscious messages you have been taught from the moment you were born. If you had been raised to be aware and tend to other people's feelings and needs the way women are, you wouldn't need to read a book to learn how to get on with the women in your life. If women were raised to be more independent and to have faith in themselves, they wouldn't be so reliant on someone else's approval for their decisions. Reality Internet Personality |
Es99 Send message Joined: 23 Aug 05 Posts: 10874 Credit: 350,402 RAC: 0 |
Glenn, you don't have to justify being you, just because you have been criticised for being something. I will admit that you have come across on occasions as being MCP orientated, and I apparently do it all the time. But Why should the views of certain women on these boards make you feel that you have to respond back in that way? This post really isn't helping your case. Reality Internet Personality |
Gary Charpentier Send message Joined: 25 Dec 00 Posts: 30651 Credit: 53,134,872 RAC: 32 |
Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news? |
Es99 Send message Joined: 23 Aug 05 Posts: 10874 Credit: 350,402 RAC: 0 |
Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news? LMAO!! Reality Internet Personality |
Blurf Send message Joined: 2 Sep 06 Posts: 8962 Credit: 12,678,685 RAC: 0 |
I have not stopped him having contact with his children. He knows exactly where they are and has our address and phone number. He just doesn't use it. We even offered to find him somewhere to stay if he wanted to visit. In the end it is up to the kids if they want a relationship with their father. My youngest is not interested. My oldest wants to try and also maybe punch him on the nose. He is upset because he now has two half-sisters he has never met and his dad hasn't even bothered to tell him the name of the latest one. As much as we've disagreed in the past, I have high respect for this. Too often kids are used as pawns in divorces without any regard for their feelings. This is exactly how it should be---let them decide their path with the ex-spouse. |
musicplayer Send message Joined: 17 May 10 Posts: 2430 Credit: 926,046 RAC: 0 |
Oh, sucks! Guess what, I am supposed to be baby-sitting my computer and not my children, because I do not have any. Are you supposed to always be able to mix your work time with your leisure time? Are you supposed to be able to carry out your business work or professional work while at the same time be caring for children and family, including your husband or wife? I read Glenn's posts and he did not say anything about leaving in his most recent posts. Really, this subject is not related to Seti@home at all, but some people supposedly do not seem to bother. Yes, sucks! Rather be doing what you should be doing, meaning those things which are supposed to be important. |
Sarge Send message Joined: 25 Aug 99 Posts: 12273 Credit: 8,569,109 RAC: 79 |
As much as we've disagreed in the past ... While this is way off topic, I have to say it: at least some of those disagreements were due to some people manipulating perceptions. They never ever allowed us to find out what we had in common with each other. |
Es99 Send message Joined: 23 Aug 05 Posts: 10874 Credit: 350,402 RAC: 0 |
As much as we've disagreed in the past ... +1 Reality Internet Personality |
Darth Beaver Send message Joined: 20 Aug 99 Posts: 6728 Credit: 21,443,075 RAC: 3 |
The other goodie is "Does my bum look big in this?". Now you aren't going to win that one Try this responce and i didn't get this out of a book it's what i said to my ex you mite just be surprised at the responce Chris Next time when your partner say's "does my bum look big in this dress " say " No honey your bum does not you have a cute little bum but your hips do look big in the dress but your waist is smaller and it gives you a much better hour glass figure and is really sexy " At the very least you won't get any bad remarks . She just looked at me for a few seconds and i could see the cogs turning in her mind and then turn'd around with a big smile on here face . I don't consider these things to be mind games it's just the way females are . |
Darth Beaver Send message Joined: 20 Aug 99 Posts: 6728 Credit: 21,443,075 RAC: 3 |
So there are times when you come across as sexist, but only because you are responding to the unconscious messages you have been taught from the moment you were born. If you had been raised to be aware and tend to other people's feelings and needs the way women are, you wouldn't need to read a book Ess i did say i didn't read the book till after i got devoiced !!!!! And Ess i have had to cook , clean , wash cloths , vacume , clean the house since i was very young and look after my younger sisters . In order to get trackion with the last part of your post can you point me to any culture any where in the world where things are the way you would like them to be . I have known many women that say they are scared to be alone of a night even really butch females that would not be scared to put a guy on his bum with a good right hook . I think it's not just what we are tought or what our cultures teach us there is biology as well , we are all victims of what sex we are . I will agree some guys are like the way they are because of what they have been tought by our cultures . And i will all so agree females do need to learn that there life should not be valued by having a man and , i do wish females where more independant |
Gary Charpentier Send message Joined: 25 Dec 00 Posts: 30651 Credit: 53,134,872 RAC: 32 |
Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news? Well, you really shouldn't. It seems that, that country places an extreme value on females of just being a baby factory, essentially making that their primary duty. Only after menopause are women then permitted to have any other life. It likely explains a lot of the reactions you get from the people who live there and post here. Something most of them don't realize as to how ingrained it is to their culture. They will be able to cite thousands of examples all in the name of protecting the future. Many, even most, of the examples will even make logical sense. The issue is the underlying assumptions that are made which are false. |
Lynn Send message Joined: 20 Nov 00 Posts: 14162 Credit: 79,603,650 RAC: 123 |
Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news? How do you come up with this??? Wrong on so many levels. |
Darth Beaver Send message Joined: 20 Aug 99 Posts: 6728 Credit: 21,443,075 RAC: 3 |
Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news? Gary that is a M.C.P attitude and a bit unfair of the prince and princess . They are married and i'm shore they both wanted the kids even without the pressure of expectations of the public . You also have to remember the Queen or future king of England is also the Head of the Church of England !!! AKA: same as the POPE ! So blame religion and politics for the expectations ...YES |
Darth Beaver Send message Joined: 20 Aug 99 Posts: 6728 Credit: 21,443,075 RAC: 3 |
I read Glenn's posts and he did not say anything about leaving in his most recent posts. ? , Yes to a few seperations ....meet her age 16 , married her 21 , 5 years boy friend , girlfriend , on ,off , and didn't stop after marrige . if that's what you mean |
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