What makes someone a M.C.P

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Dena Wiltsie
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Message 1674268 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 2:14:52 UTC - in response to Message 1674247.  

Cynthia only relized after I devoiced her what she had lost and I am not a whimp i'll take only so much then draw a line in the sand and if you cross it then I'm done and she went to far crossed the line and it was over

There is the problem. Both partners need to understand what they want out of a marriage and they need to talk about it before the marriage. If a partner finds their needs are not being met, they should air their views. If that fails, it's counseling time and if that fails the marriage will fail. I have seen other marriages like this where one person puts up with far to much. Problems are simple to correct when they are small. You allowed this to snowball to the point were there was no way to save the marriage. Should you ever think about marriage in the future, the more work you put in before the marriage will determine how well the marriage will work.
On the other hand, you married young and it's possible both of you hadn't formed a clear view of what you wanted out of marriage. It's not so much about being a MCP, but it is a matter of one or both of you not being ready for the realities of marriage.
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Message 1674302 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 5:29:53 UTC - in response to Message 1674280.  

However, the amount is moot as I won't see a penny. He never understood that it wasn't the amount, it was just some recognition that he bears some responsibility for taking care of his children. I would have settled for him buying them a pair of shoes every now and then.

Still, child support debt never goes away, so you never know...

They can't find a School Teacher?

Get the SOB!

Yes. It is the principle.

I think it is more their system that is broken. Not sure how much the Crown countries cooperate with each other anymore. I know here you can't run from one sovereign state to another and not pay pay pay. Also know once the judgement is entered, you don't have to serve the other party again. The state just serves the employer and siphons.

Seeing as she has to serve him, perhaps private service might be an option. We all know sometimes government workers simply want to butt sit and collect a paycheck.
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Message 1674303 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 5:34:52 UTC - in response to Message 1674302.  


I think it is more their system that is broken. Not sure how much the Crown countries cooperate with each other anymore. I know here you can't run from one sovereign state to another and not pay pay pay. Also know once the judgement is entered, you don't have to serve the other party again. The state just serves the employer and siphons.

Seeing as she has to serve him, perhaps private service might be an option. We all know sometimes government workers simply want to butt sit and collect a paycheck.


I agree. A friend of my brother's became a licensed PI about 3 months ago (retired Sheriff) and said he already has had a few clients lined up to find non-paying spouses.


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Message 1674308 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 5:45:02 UTC - in response to Message 1674209.  

Still, child support debt never goes away, so you never know...

No it doesn't and on this side of the border they will garnish you until you are pushing up daisies or pay it off.

When I was divorced And payed chiled support They didnt tale personnal checks You had to get a money order and mail it to them.
I had gotten laid off and fell behind in my child support payments. When I went back to work they garnished my wages for twhat I owed in back support and once caught uo lowerd my payment to what I had to pay each week. That was the way I liked it. No more buying a damn money order and mailing it to them each week.

When my last daughter was 17. My ex just dumped her on my doorstep saying you can have her Im sick of her. There was no legal paper work saying I had custody so I couldnt stop paying child support with out getting a lawyer and going to court. So I payed the child support. It was a lot cheaper than going to court and changing custody. But the day she joined the Air Force I was at the court house the same day filing the paper work to stop child support. They actually paid me money back from the filing date.

Es, File the paper work. You never know what might happen. But dont let him off the hook. Here in the States they call them dead beat dads. It infuriates me to no end that some guys dont even care about their own kids.
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Message 1674351 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 9:55:50 UTC - in response to Message 1674256.  
Last modified: 6 May 2015, 10:03:20 UTC

Ess i have been trying to think how i could advise you but i was troubbled by not knowing the full story and thank's for clearing some things up .

I'll start be saying you are to kind in saying he is a MCP i would say he is a A-HOLE

I was going to advise you to think about maybe not going for child support but after reading your post i will not do that as many males use the excuse that they do not have access to there kids and this is why they don't pay .

However you don't sound like you have try'd to stop access to the boys so in the future when they grow up and may try to contact him he will not be able to use the excuse that you stoped him from seeing them and then produce court paper to prove what he is saying to them to get them to hate you .

So i will will say to you go for it make the bastas pay .I don't have time for that sort of thing by men .

I was going to tell you what i have had to go through with my father but it is not needed .

I will however tell you to be 100% honest about what has happen'd CHILDREN ARE NOT AS STUPID AS ADULTS THINK they do know what is going on even if they may be to young to understand it .

This is where i was going to tell you about what i thought and what i did when my father's first marriage and second marriage failed but i don't think it is needed i will say thou i was 4 the first time i had to choose in a court room which perent i wished to be with and to young at that age to know . The second time i was 12 when i had to go to court and was asked to decide not only my fate but my sisters and step bro fate . THIS IS SOMETHING NO CHILD SHOULD EVER BE PUT INTO A POSITION OF DOING even thou i was old enough to know what was going on by then .

What i told the judge and what i wanted to tell him was 2 different things and i ended up trying to keep myself and my sisters togeather so i could protect them from a evil man . My father whom i have not spoken to since i was 27 i am now 52 .

MY younger step bro went with his mother which is what is said to the judge that i thought he would want .

I'll finish by saying to you that you needn't worry about your son's turning on you if your ex tries in the future to contact them so long as you tell them the whole truth however your ex will get the biggest shock of his life when he is about 55+ as it's around this time he will reflect on his life relize what he has missed and then have to face up to the fact his boys don't wish to know him and may acutally hurt him if he contacts them and doesn't take no for a answer

I am not a touchy feely person in fact i wil step back from people if you come to close to me ( come inside the personal space , 3 feet around you) this is a sign of someone that has been very badly abused and no amount of councilling will change the way i am and it's the main reason i am single .

Females don't understand why i don't touch and it's not something i can control not because i'm a MCP . Females do like to be touched and felt loved .

I hope you may now understand me a bit more and understand i am not a MCP .

Last thing is please understand that the book Men are from Mars and women are from Venus is not about men being MCP's it's about understanding how a man and women think and why they do think the way they do and i only read it after i got devoiced and may actually help your sons to be more forgiving and they will be better equipt to handle a relationship .

I'll give you 1 example from the book to give you a idea of what it says .

A couple is going out , the guys is ready in 20 mins and goes into the living room to watch T.V till his partner is ready .
She comes out with 2 sets of shoes , 1 pair white , the other pair red .
She say "honey which pair of shoes should i wear with my outfit"

The guy is thinking , ot oh i'm in troubble no matter what i say . So he does the man thing and says the white pair .
She looks at him and say's no blah blah and storms off to get ready.
The guy thinks WTF just happen'd ,and is now in a grumpy mood before the night has even started and so is she .

Now the correct answer is to say "honey what pair do you think goes with your outfit " she says Blah Blah and then goes of to get ready .
The guy goes back to watching the T.V still in a good mode and so is she.

Why does this answer work ? . Well your woman is not asking you to solve a problem and pick the shoes , as she already made her mind up which shoes she is going to wear , she just want'd to know you where paying attention to her getting ready

No MCP just good advise and there is also advice in this form for female to understand why men do what they do

EG:

Why do men switch off when women talk to much . The answer is we are wired differntly a man only talks about 3000-5000 words a day a women speaks 7000-10000 words as they are more expressive so this is why men switch off not because there MCP's it just the way we are wired up in our brain so lady's it's just something you have to accept .

In other words the book teaches both to be tolerant of each other ways and not argue over stupid things .

It has tought me a few things but then i learnt a lot of things like this thanks to my rick of a old man and the mistakes he has made
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Message 1674352 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 10:13:53 UTC - in response to Message 1674268.  

Dana we did discusse what we both wanted and this is part of why i drew the line in the sand .
She did want a family but because of other people that interfered and influenced her she changed her mind on things .
I try'd the counseling thing but she didn't think she needed to have it , i was the one whom needed it so ?????

Oh and just so you all know the only person i felt comfortable around to be able to be touchy feely was my wife just so you don't read the other post and say AHHHH that's why

Yes we where young when we meet but we did not marry untill nearly 5 years after we meet she was 21 and i was 23 so may be not so young !
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Message 1674387 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 15:57:45 UTC - in response to Message 1674351.  

Ess i have been trying to think how i could advise you but i was troubbled by not knowing the full story and thank's for clearing some things up .

I'll start be saying you are to kind in saying he is a MCP i would say he is a A-HOLE

I was going to advise you to think about maybe not going for child support but after reading your post i will not do that as many males use the excuse that they do not have access to there kids and this is why they don't pay .

However you don't sound like you have try'd to stop access to the boys so in the future when they grow up and may try to contact him he will not be able to use the excuse that you stoped him from seeing them and then produce court paper to prove what he is saying to them to get them to hate you .

So i will will say to you go for it make the bastas pay .I don't have time for that sort of thing by men .

I have not stopped him having contact with his children. He knows exactly where they are and has our address and phone number. He just doesn't use it. We even offered to find him somewhere to stay if he wanted to visit. In the end it is up to the kids if they want a relationship with their father. My youngest is not interested. My oldest wants to try and also maybe punch him on the nose. He is upset because he now has two half-sisters he has never met and his dad hasn't even bothered to tell him the name of the latest one.

I was going to tell you what i have had to go through with my father but it is not needed .

I will however tell you to be 100% honest about what has happen'd CHILDREN ARE NOT AS STUPID AS ADULTS THINK they do know what is going on even if they may be to young to understand it .

This is where i was going to tell you about what i thought and what i did when my father's first marriage and second marriage failed but i don't think it is needed i will say thou i was 4 the first time i had to choose in a court room which perent i wished to be with and to young at that age to know . The second time i was 12 when i had to go to court and was asked to decide not only my fate but my sisters and step bro fate . THIS IS SOMETHING NO CHILD SHOULD EVER BE PUT INTO A POSITION OF DOING even thou i was old enough to know what was going on by then .

What i told the judge and what i wanted to tell him was 2 different things and i ended up trying to keep myself and my sisters togeather so i could protect them from a evil man . My father whom i have not spoken to since i was 27 i am now 52 .

MY younger step bro went with his mother which is what is said to the judge that i thought he would want .

I'll finish by saying to you that you needn't worry about your son's turning on you if your ex tries in the future to contact them so long as you tell them the whole truth however your ex will get the biggest shock of his life when he is about 55+ as it's around this time he will reflect on his life relize what he has missed and then have to face up to the fact his boys don't wish to know him and may acutally hurt him if he contacts them and doesn't take no for a answer

I am not a touchy feely person in fact i wil step back from people if you come to close to me ( come inside the personal space , 3 feet around you) this is a sign of someone that has been very badly abused and no amount of councilling will change the way i am and it's the main reason i am single .

Females don't understand why i don't touch and it's not something i can control not because i'm a MCP . Females do like to be touched and felt loved .

I hope you may now understand me a bit more and understand i am not a MCP .

Last thing is please understand that the book Men are from Mars and women are from Venus is not about men being MCP's it's about understanding how a man and women think and why they do think the way they do and i only read it after i got devoiced and may actually help your sons to be more forgiving and they will be better equipt to handle a relationship .

I'll give you 1 example from the book to give you a idea of what it says .

A couple is going out , the guys is ready in 20 mins and goes into the living room to watch T.V till his partner is ready .
She comes out with 2 sets of shoes , 1 pair white , the other pair red .
She say "honey which pair of shoes should i wear with my outfit"

The guy is thinking , ot oh i'm in troubble no matter what i say . So he does the man thing and says the white pair .
She looks at him and say's no blah blah and storms off to get ready.
The guy thinks WTF just happen'd ,and is now in a grumpy mood before the night has even started and so is she .

Now the correct answer is to say "honey what pair do you think goes with your outfit " she says Blah Blah and then goes of to get ready .
The guy goes back to watching the T.V still in a good mode and so is she.

Why does this answer work ? . Well your woman is not asking you to solve a problem and pick the shoes , as she already made her mind up which shoes she is going to wear , she just want'd to know you where paying attention to her getting ready

No MCP just good advise and there is also advice in this form for female to understand why men do what they do

EG:

Why do men switch off when women talk to much . The answer is we are wired differntly a man only talks about 3000-5000 words a day a women speaks 7000-10000 words as they are more expressive so this is why men switch off not because there MCP's it just the way we are wired up in our brain so lady's it's just something you have to accept .

In other words the book teaches both to be tolerant of each other ways and not argue over stupid things .

It has tought me a few things but then i learnt a lot of things like this thanks to my rick of a old man and the mistakes he has made

Glenn, I understand you are upset about being accused of being an MCP. Unfortunately books like this don't help as they are simplistic and they tend to stereotype men and women. Everyone likes to think their partner pays attention to them. This isn't a male or female thing. What is different is that women have been conditioned from a young age to pay attention to other people's needs, whereas men have not. So if men need to read a book to tell them how to do that, that kind of proves my point.

I applaud you for trying to figure it out and make things better, but what some of us have been trying to tell you is that these differences are not actually natural or even good. They are products of the society we have been raised in and unless we accept that they are founded on sexist beliefs and prejudices, things won't get better.

So there are times when you come across as sexist, but only because you are responding to the unconscious messages you have been taught from the moment you were born. If you had been raised to be aware and tend to other people's feelings and needs the way women are, you wouldn't need to read a book to learn how to get on with the women in your life. If women were raised to be more independent and to have faith in themselves, they wouldn't be so reliant on someone else's approval for their decisions.
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Message 1674388 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 15:58:08 UTC - in response to Message 1674360.  

Glenn, you don't have to justify being you, just because you have been criticised for being something. I will admit that you have come across on occasions as being MCP orientated, and I apparently do it all the time. But Why should the views of certain women on these boards make you feel that you have to respond back in that way?

Your example of the shoes is just one of the games that females play when they are unsure of themselves. Yes the "traditional" response to keep the peace is to say "What do you think?", but you could try "classic white goes well with all your clothes". The other goodie is "Does my bum look big in this?". Now you aren't going to win that one, and she damn well knows it! You are going to be hung out to dry because she feels that she has made a mistake buying the outfit, and needs someone to blame. If you say yes, you are dead meat, if you say no, and later a girl friend tells her the honest truth, you'll get told "why didn't you tell me?".

The other scenario is to go to a party or posh do and she finds that another women is wearing exactly the same dress. Immediately both women are embarrassed because it is obvious that neither have been to, or could afford to, an exclusive couturier. The get out clause is to say, "wow you both have good taste in clothes but it looks so much better on you".

And of course the ultimate classic is to ask what's the matter, only to get told that if you don't know, then I'm certainly not telling you! Men aren't supposed to win in relationships, never have been. There is research that says babies can be created in laboratories without the need for a man to be involved. Maybe a good idea.

This post really isn't helping your case.
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Message 1674425 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 17:34:47 UTC

Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news?
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Message 1674427 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 17:44:33 UTC - in response to Message 1674425.  

Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news?

LMAO!!
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Message 1674448 - Posted: 6 May 2015, 19:17:37 UTC - in response to Message 1674387.  

I have not stopped him having contact with his children. He knows exactly where they are and has our address and phone number. He just doesn't use it. We even offered to find him somewhere to stay if he wanted to visit. In the end it is up to the kids if they want a relationship with their father. My youngest is not interested. My oldest wants to try and also maybe punch him on the nose. He is upset because he now has two half-sisters he has never met and his dad hasn't even bothered to tell him the name of the latest one.


As much as we've disagreed in the past, I have high respect for this. Too often kids are used as pawns in divorces without any regard for their feelings.

This is exactly how it should be---let them decide their path with the ex-spouse.


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Message 1674534 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 0:31:52 UTC
Last modified: 7 May 2015, 0:33:50 UTC

Oh, sucks!

Guess what, I am supposed to be baby-sitting my computer and not my children, because I do not have any.

Are you supposed to always be able to mix your work time with your leisure time? Are you supposed to be able to carry out your business work or professional work while at the same time be caring for children and family, including your husband or wife?

I read Glenn's posts and he did not say anything about leaving in his most recent posts.

Really, this subject is not related to Seti@home at all, but some people supposedly do not seem to bother.

Yes, sucks! Rather be doing what you should be doing, meaning those things which are supposed to be important.
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Message 1674543 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 1:21:49 UTC - in response to Message 1674448.  

As much as we've disagreed in the past ...


While this is way off topic, I have to say it: at least some of those disagreements were due to some people manipulating perceptions. They never ever allowed us to find out what we had in common with each other.
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Message 1674558 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 3:38:48 UTC - in response to Message 1674543.  

As much as we've disagreed in the past ...


While this is way off topic, I have to say it: at least some of those disagreements were due to some people manipulating perceptions. They never ever allowed us to find out what we had in common with each other.

+1
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Message 1674567 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 4:03:54 UTC - in response to Message 1674360.  

The other goodie is "Does my bum look big in this?". Now you aren't going to win that one


Try this responce and i didn't get this out of a book it's what i said to my ex you mite just be surprised at the responce Chris

Next time when your partner say's "does my bum look big in this dress " say " No honey your bum does not you have a cute little bum but your hips do look big in the dress but your waist is smaller and it gives you a much better hour glass figure and is really sexy "

At the very least you won't get any bad remarks . She just looked at me for a few seconds and i could see the cogs turning in her mind and then turn'd around with a big smile on here face .

I don't consider these things to be mind games it's just the way females are .
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Message 1674574 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 4:24:05 UTC - in response to Message 1674387.  

So there are times when you come across as sexist, but only because you are responding to the unconscious messages you have been taught from the moment you were born. If you had been raised to be aware and tend to other people's feelings and needs the way women are, you wouldn't need to read a book


Ess i did say i didn't read the book till after i got devoiced !!!!!

And Ess i have had to cook , clean , wash cloths , vacume , clean the house since i was very young and look after my younger sisters .

In order to get trackion with the last part of your post can you point me to any culture any where in the world where things are the way you would like them to be .

I have known many women that say they are scared to be alone of a night even really butch females that would not be scared to put a guy on his bum with a good right hook . I think it's not just what we are tought or what our cultures teach us there is biology as well , we are all victims of what sex we are . I will agree some guys are like the way they are because of what they have been tought by our cultures .
And i will all so agree females do need to learn that there life should not be valued by having a man and , i do wish females where more independant
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Message 1674586 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 5:05:29 UTC - in response to Message 1674427.  

Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news?

LMAO!!

Well, you really shouldn't. It seems that, that country places an extreme value on females of just being a baby factory, essentially making that their primary duty. Only after menopause are women then permitted to have any other life. It likely explains a lot of the reactions you get from the people who live there and post here. Something most of them don't realize as to how ingrained it is to their culture. They will be able to cite thousands of examples all in the name of protecting the future. Many, even most, of the examples will even make logical sense. The issue is the underlying assumptions that are made which are false.
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Message 1674599 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 6:13:33 UTC - in response to Message 1674586.  
Last modified: 7 May 2015, 6:17:47 UTC

Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news?

LMAO!!

Well, you really shouldn't. It seems that, that country places an extreme value on females of just being a baby factory, essentially making that their primary duty. Only after menopause are women then permitted to have any other life. It likely explains a lot of the reactions you get from the people who live there and post here. Something most of them don't realize as to how ingrained it is to their culture. They will be able to cite thousands of examples all in the name of protecting the future. Many, even most, of the examples will even make logical sense. The issue is the underlying assumptions that are made which are false.



How do you come up with this??? Wrong on so many levels.
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Message 1674602 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 6:14:57 UTC - in response to Message 1674425.  
Last modified: 7 May 2015, 6:20:21 UTC

Does it help to have Princess baby factory all over the news?


Gary that is a M.C.P attitude and a bit unfair of the prince and princess .

They are married and i'm shore they both wanted the kids even without the pressure of expectations of the public .

You also have to remember the Queen or future king of England is also the Head of the Church of England !!!

AKA: same as the POPE !

So blame religion and politics for the expectations ...YES
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Message 1674614 - Posted: 7 May 2015, 7:01:34 UTC - in response to Message 1674534.  

I read Glenn's posts and he did not say anything about leaving in his most recent posts.


? , Yes to a few seperations ....meet her age 16 , married her 21 , 5 years boy friend , girlfriend , on ,off , and didn't stop after marrige . if that's what you mean
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