I just woke up to my mother's voice. She was in bed repeating her full name, including maiden name, and then her mother's name, and grandmother's name. She did this several times until I walked in, and said hello. She was sort of in a trance like state, but recognized me immediately, correctly, and we just had a normal conversation. She does this sort of thing with names of places, doctors, addresses, medications(pronounces them correctly, too!). It's like her brain is going through it's files and doing backups. It's fascinating as much as it is scary.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I just woke up to my mother's voice. She was in bed repeating her full name, including maiden name, and then her mother's name, and grandmother's name. She did this several times until I walked in, and said hello. She was sort of in a trance like state, but recognized me immediately, correctly, and we just had a normal conversation. She does this sort of thing with names of places, doctors, addresses, medications(pronounces them correctly, too!). It's like her brain is going through it's files and doing backups. It's fascinating as much as it is scary.

Sounds like she's coming along just fine, Gordon:)

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

I just woke up to my mother's voice. She was in bed repeating her full name, including maiden name, and then her mother's name, and grandmother's name. She did this several times until I walked in, and said hello. She was sort of in a trance like state, but recognized me immediately, correctly, and we just had a normal conversation. She does this sort of thing with names of places, doctors, addresses, medications(pronounces them correctly, too!). It's like her brain is going through it's files and doing backups. It's fascinating as much as it is scary.

Sounds like she's coming along just fine, Gordon:)

Well, she also talks about the "other" Gordons, and asks me where they live. It's a real trip. If I find out where those other Gordons are, I'm sending them in to work for me a few nights.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I just woke up to my mother's voice. She was in bed repeating her full name, including maiden name, and then her mother's name, and grandmother's name. She did this several times until I walked in, and said hello. She was sort of in a trance like state, but recognized me immediately, correctly, and we just had a normal conversation. She does this sort of thing with names of places, doctors, addresses, medications(pronounces them correctly, too!). It's like her brain is going through it's files and doing backups. It's fascinating as much as it is scary.

Sounds like she's coming along just fine, Gordon:)

Well, she also talks about the "other" Gordons, and asks me where they live. It's a real trip. If I find out where those other Gordons are, I'm sending them in to work for me a few nights.

:)))

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

I just woke up to my mother's voice. She was in bed repeating her full name, including maiden name, and then her mother's name, and grandmother's name. She did this several times until I walked in, and said hello. She was sort of in a trance like state, but recognized me immediately, correctly, and we just had a normal conversation. She does this sort of thing with names of places, doctors, addresses, medications(pronounces them correctly, too!). It's like her brain is going through it's files and doing backups. It's fascinating as much as it is scary.

Sounds like she's coming along just fine, Gordon:)

Well, she also talks about the "other" Gordons, and asks me where they live. It's a real trip. If I find out where those other Gordons are, I'm sending them in to work for me a few nights.

Gordon, I'm not remembering if you've mentioned this, but do you have anyone to help you with your Mother? A relative, friend, or some sort of home health aide, to spring you to run errands or just rest for a few hours? That respite is vital to your health and sanity, as well as hers.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

I just woke up to my mother's voice. She was in bed repeating her full name, including maiden name, and then her mother's name, and grandmother's name. She did this several times until I walked in, and said hello. She was sort of in a trance like state, but recognized me immediately, correctly, and we just had a normal conversation. She does this sort of thing with names of places, doctors, addresses, medications(pronounces them correctly, too!). It's like her brain is going through it's files and doing backups. It's fascinating as much as it is scary.

Sounds like she's coming along just fine, Gordon:)

Well, she also talks about the "other" Gordons, and asks me where they live. It's a real trip. If I find out where those other Gordons are, I'm sending them in to work for me a few nights.

Gordon, I'm not remembering if you've mentioned this, but do you have anyone to help you with your Mother? A relative, friend, or some sort of home health aide, to spring you to run errands or just rest for a few hours? That respite is vital to your health and sanity, as well as hers.

Our last real relative died in 1989, when my mom's father passed away. Before that, it was my dad, who died in 1982. Home Health is great, and I used them the first month(back last August) I had my mom back home from the 4 month nightmare(see PTSD thread), but the physical exercises we can do on our own, and I don't like strangers involved anyway. Friends have offered to help, but even they are strangers to my mom, and it would add stress to me as much as it would help. I work 3rd shift, and that is ideal because my mother sleeps well, but of course I worry all night about her.

My mother has been humming and singing the past hour. She doesn't normally burst out into tune. She's just having a good day, apparently. ;~}

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I just woke up to my mother's voice. She was in bed repeating her full name, including maiden name, and then her mother's name, and grandmother's name. She did this several times until I walked in, and said hello. She was sort of in a trance like state, but recognized me immediately, correctly, and we just had a normal conversation. She does this sort of thing with names of places, doctors, addresses, medications(pronounces them correctly, too!). It's like her brain is going through it's files and doing backups. It's fascinating as much as it is scary.

Sounds like she's coming along just fine, Gordon:)

Well, she also talks about the "other" Gordons, and asks me where they live. It's a real trip. If I find out where those other Gordons are, I'm sending them in to work for me a few nights.

Gordon, I'm not remembering if you've mentioned this, but do you have anyone to help you with your Mother? A relative, friend, or some sort of home health aide, to spring you to run errands or just rest for a few hours? That respite is vital to your health and sanity, as well as hers.

Our last real relative died in 1989, when my mom's father passed away. Before that, it was my dad, who died in 1982. Home Health is great, and I used them the first month(back last August) I had my mom back home from the 4 month nightmare(see PTSD thread), but the physical exercises we can do on our own, and I don't like strangers involved anyway. Friends have offered to help, but even they are strangers to my mom, and it would add stress to me as much as it would help. I work 3rd shift, and that is ideal because my mother sleeps well, but of course I worry all night about her.

My mother has been humming and singing the past hour. She doesn't normally burst out into tune. She's just having a good day, apparently. ;~}

Remember to play music for her Gordon:) Talking to her as well, although she doesn't always understand you, gives her a good feeling I think:)

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

Annie,

My Mother spent a number of years coping with my Father's deteriorating Alzheimer's at their home near Hastings. Eventually he became violent and local Social Services, the police and a doctor persuaded him to voluntarily go into a council home.

In the end My Mum and I managed then to select a local, caring home for him, they had about 20 patients. As it was only a bud ride away, Mum managed to visit him every day, even when he didn't recognise her, or speak (later)

The first home he was placed in by Social Services for assessment was in Eastbourne, where Mum couldn't have visited him at all unless someone else drove her there. We managed to get this changed after pushing very hard and me taking a lot of time from work to attend case review meetings that they tried to arrange to exclude Mum and I!

The Home we selected in the end, was very good and very friendly. It made Mum's life easier as well as looking after Dad very well.

I would strongly recommend a home near where you are so you can keep in contact with the home and your Mum.

If there is anything I can do to help, please ask, even if it is only an ear to listen to you. PM will be fine.

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Happy Crunching,

Graham

@Ian (and LSM :))

Please be willing to talk, and be kind if I or LSM ask you
a question at some point.

:) I'm always happy to answer questions :) I wish I had some answers though :) I certainly don't feel like I'm succeeding at the moment but that will change. I'll find a way :) The problem really is that I just want things to go back to how they were before - and wanting isn't getting :/ *sulky anniet pout* :) For what my heart is saying - there isn't a single voice out there saying the same thing and it's lonely :/ If everyone else is right (and they're making much more sense than I am at the moment - unfortunately :) so they probably are) it's got me thinking that making her remember me on Monday was cruel because I was always going to leave her behind :( I did it to make me feel better, and that was just plain selfish :/

If that is what visiting her in a home is going to be... making her cry every day when I leave - then I must learn to settle for whoever she makes me out to be. If that's a strange lady :) who can make her laugh and who plays Vera Lynn for her etc :) who she then forgets when they're gone, then that's who I'll be. But I don't know what to say when she tells me that her daughters are dead :/ It doesn't feel right leaving her thinking that :(

@Graham :)

If there is anything I can do to help, please ask, even if it is only an ear to listen to you. PM will be fine.

Thank you :) That's so sweet of you :)

There is a care home only a short bus ride from me which specialises in dementia and alzheimers care. My occupational therapist is going to arrange to take me there on one of her "let's get this woman off my hands and functioning as soon as possible" trips out :) From what I've heard of it, it is VERY good - and that's partly the problem. Long waiting lists :(

She is going to see if there is anything that can be done to make it possible for my mum to come back home with me in the meantime, but with carers coming in to look after her needs, both when I'm out at physio, and when I'm at home, but budgets are tight and it could be a quite a battle. I've already had a taste of the exclusion from care review meetings you mentioned. It's useful to know that it happens even when they're not dealing with someone who clumps about getting overtaken by snails :) which was the justification they made when I queried it :/

If you were here we would both hug you.
Perhaps a little selfishness might make
it better for all in small amounts....
Take good care please. We put all of you
in our prayers every day.

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Thanks so much for your kind words CC :) Not been to the boards for the past few days so have only just seen your links too. Will follow them up :)

Thanks too Ian and LSM for the hugs and lovely thoughts :)

Unfortunately, family members keen to leave for India on Saturday with what they feel are clean consciences, have done what I feared and have ensconced my mum in a care home which is over two hours away from me by train :( I know they think they have my best interests at heart but it HAS come as a bit of a surprise to find they informed the care home that I am "disabled" when I thought I was just temporarily decrepit. I don't know what they were thinking because they're not answering my calls :( I hope they do before they go. The twin thing is all well and good - but it's still nice to talk conventionally :) and I am going to miss her a lot :(

I'm seeing someone from the alzheimers society tomorrow... you know... to get their advice on my chances of springing my mum and going on the... um... hobble with her :) I'll talk through respite care options first though :)

I'm not leaving things as they are! :)

Best of luck Anniet.

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Pluto will always be a planet to me.

Seti Ambassador
Not to late to order an Anni Shirt

Annie, who has guardianship/power of attorney for your Mum, you or one of the siblings?

If it's you, hobbled or not, they may have acted illegally. You may be able to get their actions overturned, and your Mum moved to someplace closer to your home. Of course, that may cause all sorts of friction between you and them. But if they are going to be abroad for any great length of time......

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

@Donald and CC
It was all done at a bad time and in a rush, so I had to have a bit of a rummage to be sure. It's how I thought, but the alzheimers society have helped clarify things for me.

The LPA (lasting power of attorney) is held jointly and severally between myself and my twin sister - meaning we can act together in my mum's interests, or separately. At the time it was drawn up - it made sense. My sister was living abroad, I had just received a poor prognosis with cancer, and the only other relative who was very very willing indeed to take over her affairs, and who was actively pushing for it - had misused their position at a leading bank and had taken out a fraudulent loan of £22,000 in my mum's name to pay off their credit card debts. As it turned out, I beat cancer and my sister came to live here :) and we've always managed to agree on everything relating to my mum up till now and have trusted each other implicitly.

So... I can therefore legally overturn my sister's decision without too much trouble - in theory anyway. It's not any way to look after anyone really - but I did manage to speak briefly to her before she left on Saturday. She was put under a lot of pressure by her husband to "resolve the matter" and was persuaded to believe that a care home place coming up when and how it did "was a sign from God that they were doing the right thing for her". I do query that. I know that to someone of faith that doesn't sound very good - but my brother-in-law also got signs from God that he should play golf and take the car when my sister needed it to pick up the children etc so I won't hide from any thunder storms just yet :) She said she would not oppose me or try to reverse anything I do - so we won't be falling out over this - which is a relief to me :)

What the alzheimer's society did say however, which has left my head in a bit of a mess for the last few days, is that I could "use the disabled label" to get my mum transferred to a home closer to me.

I have thought it through, but it feels wrong on so many levels. So, on Thursday, I'm bringing her home :) I have no idea how things will work out, and I don't have the support of everyone I would like to have the support of... but things will either fall into place or fall apart... and we'll deal with it however we have to :) Who knows... I may even manage to stay out of the abyss I keep tumbling into :)

@Uli :)

I will say a pray for you Annie, and your Mum. Hope everything will work out.

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I will say a pray for you Annie, and your Mum. Hope everything will work out.

:) Thanks Lynn :)

Glad to hear there will not be a battle royal amongst your family over your Mum. Loks like you have a sort-of plan. Hope you are recovered enough from your recent misadventures to make it work. But do look for a care facility close to home, just in case things go south for either of you....

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

As you know Annie, I will be there in June. Details will follow via PM.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILtDs0MmRHE

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Pluto will always be a planet to me.

Seti Ambassador
Not to late to order an Anni Shirt

:) Thank you Uli - and I will :) and looking forward to June tremendously :)

@Donald

Glad to hear there will not be a battle royal amongst your family over your Mum. Loks like you have a sort-of plan. Hope you are recovered enough from your recent misadventures to make it work. But do look for a care facility close to home, just in case things go south for either of you....

In short...?

Me too :)
Sort of yes :/
Had a crisis of confidence and now not sure :( but I won't judge yet... certainly not based on the last 24 hours anyway... or even the next few days :/ in which I SUSPECT I WILL be able to move - but not without a lot of... sound effects :)
I will and have :)

Quick update: My mum is not with me as I'd planned for her to be today :((( Care home rang last night just after ten to say she'd had a fall :/ She'll be okay :) but to save fracturing a wrist or two, she appears to have opted to break her fall with her face :/ so yes... she's in a bit of a mess :( but she will mend :) It just means she'll be in hospital for awhile :( If I can get her transferred to one closer to me I will. It might be hard - London's hospitals are struggling at the moment :/

I certainly can't do another day like this last one :/ DID just manage to catch the last train to Bedford last night... to "liaise" with the hospital and the care home - both of whom wanted the other to look after her post-accident - then the first one back home to London this morning to get my son settled and sorted for uni (as my other half had had another bad dialysis day on wednesday :( and so didn't come home) then the late morning one back to Bedford to ensure the hospital HAD admitted my mum and that she wasn't still stuck on a trolley in accident and emergency or hadn't wandered off without anyone noticing... and then an evening train back home tonight... on which I dozed off for just a few minutes and so missed my stop :/ Could have been worse... could have woken up in Brighton...

For those not familiar with where that is... it's roughly down the bottom of the little green smudge we live on... and is basically where we run out of land quite a lot and encounter a largish quantity of salty wet stuff :)

...and then an evening train back home tonight... on which I dozed off for just a few minutes and so missed my stop :/ Could have been worse... could have woken up in Brighton...

For those not familiar with where that is... it's roughly down the bottom of the little green smudge we live on... and is basically where we run out of land quite a lot and encounter a largish quantity of salty wet stuff :)

At least you weren't heading North....

Did that on a bus in Hawai'i a time or two. Going from Waikiki to Pearl Harbor, wound up out in Eva Beach. Fortunately had some Shipmates who lived out there, crashed at their place. But there was that one time I woke up in Haliewa on the North Shore ... slept under a palm tree on the beach (you could safely do that back then) and caught the first bus back in the morning....

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired