Same here Ian. And may this lighthouse be the guiding light in dark winter days.

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

I agree with you Donald. But it seems now days its one sibling who gets stuck doing all the care giving while the other siblings ( if there are any) gets stuck day in day out doing it. Eventualy who get so worn out they cant do it anymore. And then they have to hear the siblings say, Why did you put them in a home? I would ask them why they didnt step up to the plate?

In my case, both my sisters lived close enough to provide me some respite caring for Mom after Dad died. We also had a paid assistant who came in in the mornings when I went to work. Had time to get to know both Mom and Dad, learn their habits and likes/dislikes.

For both Annie and Gordon, maybe the answer is to have a part-timer come in and shadow you as you take care of your Mom. Let her get used to the new person with you there, so Mom feels comfortable with the temp when you have to go out or take some "me-time".

And Gordan. My answer to them would be, Shes my mom. If they still dont get it, To bad for them.

Agree, James. If that isn't sufficient answer, nothing will be, so don't waste your breathe trying to explain....

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

My relatives were close by, except for visits, I was on My own(up to 1998 when Mom died), same was true later on when I was in the Hospital in 2002 with a broken leg, no one came to visit Me, not once, My Brother did at least come to pick Me up and take Me home and I was there for a week.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

I agree with you Donald. But it seems now days its one sibling who gets stuck doing all the care giving while the other siblings ( if there are any) gets stuck day in day out doing it. Eventualy who get so worn out they cant do it anymore. And then they have to hear the siblings say, Why did you put them in a home? I would ask them why they didnt step up to the plate?

In my case, both my sisters lived close enough to provide me some respite caring for Mom after Dad died. We also had a paid assistant who came in in the mornings when I went to work. Had time to get to know both Mom and Dad, learn their habits and likes/dislikes.

For both Annie and Gordon, maybe the answer is to have a part-timer come in and shadow you as you take care of your Mom. Let her get used to the new person with you there, so Mom feels comfortable with the temp when you have to go out or take some "me-time".

And Gordan. My answer to them would be, Shes my mom. If they still dont get it, To bad for them.

Agree, James. If that isn't sufficient answer, nothing will be, so don't waste your breathe trying to explain....

When my dad was in the last year of going through parkinsons. I was lucky that my sister and brother also helped out out a lot. Another sister lived in AZ so she wasnt able to to help as much as she wished she could. And that was totaly understandable to us. At the time I was om 3rd shift so that was a big help to my mom for morning Dr. appointmenst. My wife would take over the afternoon appointments when no one else was able to.
I guess we were lucky when it came to family support. We all helped our mom out as much as we could. Plus mom and dad had some next door neighbors who were wonderfull. And they still look after my mom to this day.
Those who have to do it alone, I cant fathom the unending toll that must take on the body and the spirit. It was bad enough seeing my dad waste away.

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Old James

Those who have to do it alone, I cant fathom the unending toll that must take on the body and the spirit

Since my mother and I are both only children, and her parents have been deceased many years, along with my father, it's not hard for me to accept being the sole caregiver, but it is stressful, no doubt about it. Somebody asked me recently if I "planned" for the situation. I knew I was going to be the sole caregiver when my mother got older, but I never gave serious thought to possible illnesses down the road.

We've had company in the last few days, and that's been good for both of us, but we're such independent, finicky, and private people, bringing in a regular helper would be stressful in and of itself, plus part of my dementia management with my mother is keeping her "world" intact.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

When you have PTSD people despise you. And tell you so. Its better to be yourself than to pretend to be someone else. Let those who criticize you go drown themselves for being the callous back holes they are. Let them pretend to be whoever they want. But you need to be yourself not another one of them. If they don't like it, tough.

When you have PTSD people despise you. And tell you so. Its better to be yourself than to pretend to be someone else. Let those who criticize you go drown themselves for being the callous back holes they are. Let them pretend to be whoever they want. But you need to be yourself not another one of them. If they don't like it, tough.

Which is why most people who have it
dont talk about it. And I myself think that is wrong. Its a disservice to all who suffer from it. And the public needs to be educated about what it is. And dispel the rotten myths that the media continues to perpetuate.
But Im guilty of not speaking out myself. My family only knows little snippets of what I have seen. I find I can only really talk to other Firefighters who have seen what Ive seen.
Ive posted in this thread more than Ive ever told my wife or my kids or my parents. Is that good or bad?

I am who I am now because of the things I went though. I think I have mellowed out a lot because of that.

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Old James

When you have PTSD people despise you. And tell you so. Its better to be yourself than to pretend to be someone else. Let those who criticize you go drown themselves for being the callous back holes they are. Let them pretend to be whoever they want. But you need to be yourself not another one of them. If they don't like it, tough.

Which is why most people who have it
dont talk about it. And I myself think that is wrong. Its a disservice to all who suffer from it. And the public needs to be educated about what it is. And dispel the rotten myths that the media continues to perpetuate.
But Im guilty of not speaking out myself. My family only knows little snippets of what I have seen. I find I can only really talk to other Firefighters who have seen what Ive seen.
Ive posted in this thread more than Ive ever told my wife or my kids or my parents. Is that good or bad?

I am who I am now because of the things I went though. I think I have mellowed out a lot because of that.

James, you have hit on one of the reasons Veterans Service Organizations exist, and why Veterans suffering with PTSD and TBI are more comfortable discussing their issues with fellow Veterans than with civilians, sometimes even civilian doctors who have no clue what they went through. Having had firefighting training in the Navy, and fought a few shipboard fires, I can idebtify with what you have been throught, though not to the extent your fellow firefighters might.

When you speak the same language, and/or share the same experience base, it's easier to talk about what bothers you. As Mojo points out, those who have ne clue are baffled and repulsed by our tales and problems. They cannot relate to us, and so, in their ignorance, they fear what we might do or become. It isn't something they do intentionally, it's a natural reaction to something they do not or cannot understand. It's also natural to be angry at them for their fear, but anger doesn't help solve the problem, it reinforces their fear. They can be led to understanding, but it can take time and effort on all sides.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

James,
Friends who are councilors say that some people find it easier to "talk" to strangers is easier than talking to family, others find it much harder. I guess its just a case of the individual's personality and situation.

I would comment that I hope your "disclosures" here have helped you a little bit, which is probably one of the most important things - you are the only person who can answer that.

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

Well It has helped me to tell in here. Much more than I realized when I first opened this thread. I realized I had PTSD. That was a game changer for me right there. MY wife does know what Ive been through and my kids and parents also/ Just not the details. If they ever ask I will tell them. But. They might not want to hear it all. It still might be the case of only telling them what they need to know?
My wife is amazed that I don't fly off the handle anymore. Some of you now my fuel pump died and then a few months later my transmission died. My wife asked me why aren't you ticked off. I think ive finally learned that crap happens. Hey it still sucks that it happened and Im not happy about it . But getting pissed off and yelling and screaming wont fix it. So I don't.
And you know what. I like being relaxed:)

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Old James

Psychopaths and sociopaths don't experience PTSD. And those who have never been in situations that cause PTSD only have blank looks, trite comments, and platitudes to offer. Its not a shallow cause, it doesn't affect shallow people.

James, I recently found out the reason My Dad didn't say what He did during WWII in Europe to Me, He didn't think I'd approve of what He did, sad to say I learned after His death of what He did, He was a US Army Medic, one of the pics showed Him in front of a building that said "368th Medical", of course no records can be found of such online(My Niece Becky & I searched, nothing), I do know He had the rank of Corporal(cause He could manage people, drive a stick and 'type'), that He was recommended for 2 commendations on His paperwork in regards to Allied and POW patients, He served from 1942, in N.Africa, Sicily, Anzio(near Rome Italy), N.France(there's a pic of Him on a Paris street with the Eiffel Tower in the background) and in Occupied Germany up until Oct 1946 when He was sent home. He didn't know that when I was 12yrs old, while I was in the Boy Scouts(Troop 71, Long Beach Area Council), that I'd aced the First Aid Merit badge in about an hour, beating a few older kids that in one case, had been trying and failing for a week, probably My concentration problems being a plus again. I don't know what He saw over there in Germany, but when He came back He didn't trust Doctors who hadn't been in the US Military, maybe He saw what SS Dr. Mengele had left behind in a camp liberated by the US 3rd Army. Mom said He had changed. No matter what came later, He did save lives and He is a hero to Me.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

Then he had to choose, sometimes, who could be saved with what they had to work with, and who could not and then had to let them die without treatment. No one but a monster could be forced to do that without being affected negatively.

...and just about every A&E department uses it, even when they aren't rammed solid with Friday night/Saturday morning drunks. When applied properly it sorts out those that can be "sat in the waiting room" for a few hours from those that need something doing NOW!!!

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

My father was an ambulance driver in world war 2 and he suffered from PTSD for over 50 years. At 80 years old he still jumped when my children made a loud noise. It was very sad to see.

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Correct Rob, and to put it into a context that fire fighters, ambulance service personnel, and police can relate to, that is also used at multiple pileups on motorways. Some will be less injured than others and will basically survive if stabilised, others are in need of emergency treatment there and then, some will be just too far gone for any medical help to be given, some will be already deceased. Decisions have to be taken to save the majority of lives that can be saved.

Then you have the grisly task of recovering what's left of those those that didn't make it. It just amazes me that these guys can turn up for work each day, knowing what they might face, and that many more of them don't end up with PTSD.

Your last paragraph hits the nail on the head.

Edit- And then you wonder what if we could have got there faster? or what if I could have found her first?
Nothing could have been done either faster or being found first. They were already gone. I know that. But its the what ifs that eat you. And I will tell you that is the hardest part of letting go.
I believe its self inflicted guilt. The idea is to save lives not see them die. Or worse pick up the badly burned body. Or even worse pick up the pieces.

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Old James

@ Chris S: An Estate Car, I had to look that up, in the US that would be a Station Wagon, Los Angeles County Fire Rescue CA does much the same w/their Paramedic Program, though they use a Pickup Truck w/a custom body behind the cab, with all sorts of places for storage, this Squad unit was fairly famous, it was/is one that was near Me where I lived when I was a teenager, Squad 51, yep made famous by the TV show Emergency back in the 70's.

Left: 70's Squad 51, Right: todays Squad 51.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

In Southern California, transporting people to the Hospital is done by an Ambulance, at least once a person is stable enough for transport.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

Even quicker (especially in Cities) paramedics on bikes are used.

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A person who makes no mistakes, creates nothing.

When there is a fatality on the railways where somebody steps in front of a train travelling at speed, there is absolutely nothing a driver can do about it, and slamming on the emergency brakes too hard could cause even more injuries to passengers.

Incorrect. A train is not a car.Braking too harshly at very low speed, yes, at high speed , no it won't because unlike a car your have weight & speed to take into account. It's going to travel some dstance before it actually comes to a halt.

As for blaming themselves? Doubt it because anyone that drove a train knows one important issue, they can't steer the thing. Not pleasant when it happens.