Im bummed this evening. I had talked with my mom earlier and she said she had a picnic with a one of the familys us kids grew up with.
I was tp ypung to remeber but they lived next door to usway back in th eeraly 50,s They moved only a short distance a away But my parents had them over a lot, And we'd got to there house. weed even take vacations camping in Canada with them.
Well, Why Im bummed is beacuse is the Dad of said family has alzhiemers. He dosent even know his own wife or kids anymore. He was a heck of a nice guy too. And his wife due to a car accidinet that left her with some brain damage is off and on on who she knows.

My mom was pretty sad. I am also. I remeber them as I do my own parents. Young and looking forward to life.
My dad is gone and my mom is 82 and has some medical problems herself.

Life goes by way to fast. Treasure each and every day.

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Old James

Just stealing a minute for a silent roar

SILENT ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

There :) Feel much better now.

That advice your friend gave you, Gordon... that is VERY good advice. Difficult to always remember to follow though.

Had need to take my mum up to accident and emergency as a precaution today, following a little "ta da! look how easy it is to trip over your own toe" moment which left her with a painful wrist :( Nothing broken though :) YAY! But she keeps forgetting how she got the sore wrist, and that it has already been x-rayed *bare teeth in semblance of smile* ... which is... fun.

It is still good having her back home with us though :)

You might try putting a bandage around the wrist so she will know something has already been done to it.

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It is still good having her back home with us though :)

Yes!

Life goes by way to fast. Treasure each and every day.

Yes!

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Oh they bandaged it up :) But my mum, for as long as I can remember, has had a habit of tucking tissues up her sleeve - in case she might need one in an emergency. I think it's because when she was little, she used to go through misery wih hayfever. She still does the tissue thing - but doesn't recall doing the tissue thing, so her sleeves fill up rather rapidly, and when the tissues run out - she stuffs toilet roll and kitchen roll up them instead.

Well... she keeps thinking she's got her wrist tangled up in some that has slipped out of her sleeve :) Having said that, she's been a lot better with it today though.

edit: So sorry to hear about your family friend, James :( Alzheimers and dementia are truly cruel conditions - on sufferers and on those who love them.

So true Annie, My wifes step father is in the beginng stages of Alszhiemers. My mother in law cant even trust him to go to the local store with a list anymore.
I fear he is going to be one of those folks who get in acar one day and end up across half the US. She is in denial though that he is getting worse. He is.

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Old James

I'm sure you took perfect care of your dad, Chris and that your dad felt the same way. I shouldn't worry too much.

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rOZZ
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Looking back afterwards dad said yes it was a very difficult time, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. My brother and I with hindsight just wish we had stepped in earlier and called a halt to it. As I always say - who cares for the carer? Dad died in April, and to this day I still feel guilty that we let him live like he did for those two years. A cross I will always bear.

My guilt is not spending more time with my mother before she got sick last year. I saw her declining a little the past few years.

He would have stood at the door fending them off with a pitchfork to have stopped them taking her away!

I'm pretty much like your dad.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Who cares for the carer? In My case, at the time, I had no backup, I was it. Today I'm having physical difficulties, but I'm trying and I'm still it, Grace makes a terrible backup, since all She can provide is company.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

Who cares for the carer? In My case, at the time, I had no backup, I was it.

I understand, but in spite of me not having any backup, I like being in control of things.

Today I'm having physical difficulties, but I'm trying and I'm still it, Grace makes a terrible backup, since all She can provide is company.

Your cat is good for you. :~)

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Who cares for the carer? In My case, at the time, I had no backup, I was it.

I understand, but in spite of me not having any backup, I like being in control of things.

Today I'm having physical difficulties, but I'm trying and I'm still it, Grace makes a terrible backup, since all She can provide is company.

Your cat is good for you. :~)

I care for Her, like She was a princess. Believe it or not, some here think I'm the smartest guy in the park, weird. Yesterday I got out an attachment for the vac, that took a few weeks to do, physically it took only moments, but mentally it took awhile. I may go out soon while it's a cool 82F w/22% humidity to try and clear the spider of some calcium carbonate obstructions in the water lines, so that water may flow onto the pads of the cooler better.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

Your cat is good for you. :~)

+1

Cats are good for us, period. :)

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rOZZ
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My mom, even with our help was unable to handle my dad. He went to a home which he hated very much. He tried to escape numerous times. They had to put an alram on him. He knew he was dying as mom told him that the Dr. gave him at most 6 months.
All he wanted was to be at home.
Thats when we heard about Hospice care. He Came home Wednesday. He saw sunsets that night and Thursady and Friday and Saturday. He wanted a a beer though. The nurse said it wont hurt him. So he had is beer. Sunday morning he was comatose. The nurse said its only hours now. I dont know if he could here us, Id like to think he heard us all say our goodbyes.
He died around 9:30 that Sunday night. Surrounded by family.
He got the wish he wanted.
We all have that day in our future. I think thats how I want to go.

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Old James

I think thats how I want to go.

Sorry James that is not what I would want for me. Watching somebody die is not very pleasant I have just done it visiting my late dad in Hospital every day for a week until he finally went, the last 24 hours in a coma. I would not want to put anyone through that. And we were told at the hospital that the hearing is the very last sense to go, so yes it is likely that he did hear you James but couldn't respond.

My mother was all tubed up on a life support machine in ICU for 16 days as part of her 4 month incarceration. I was given the option of continuing treatment or not. Very very very scary for me. I think she could hear what was going on, but was probably way too out of it and confused to comprehend it. Thank goodness she doesn't remember that nightmare.

I have left strict instructions in my will that I want as little fuss as possible when my time comes. I would like to die quietly on my own, no gawping at me in a funeral parlour, then a short non-denominational committal service, followed by cremation. I have left certain bequests in my will, and I would like my legacy to be the good that I hope I will leave behind.

Private funeral/burial is what my mother wants and will get, as will be mine. I've always found funeral home visitations, etc. to be maudlin.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Well, To each his or her own I guess. When my second wife died, she did not want services either. I did her wish, But I found it totally lacking on my part. And friends and family were perplexed also. I didnt find closure.

For me I want to say my goodbyes while Im still able to do so. I dont want to drop dead with out saying goodbye. Dying in my sleep, well at least, I would have kissed my wife and told her I love her before I died.

It used to be that when familys were multi generational. That watching some one die was part of life. We got away from that In the last centuary.
Its the circle of life, It happens to all of us at some point. Why try and hide it?
I was not allowed to go to my Grand fathers wake in 1963. I was not quite eleven. To this day I still feel cheated that i didnt get to say goodbye.

Of course thats just how I feel. Your mileage may vary.

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Old James

Well, To each his or her own I guess. When my second wife died, she did not want services either. I did her wish, But I found it totally lacking on my part. And friends and family were perplexed also. I didnt find closure.

I see your point, but in our case, there are no other relatives, and my mother doesn't have any close living friends, either. She and I are very private people, and practical, too. Everything is already arranged for both of our deaths.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Well, To each his or her own I guess. When my second wife died, she did not want services either. I did her wish, But I found it totally lacking on my part. And friends and family were perplexed also. I didnt find closure.

For me I want to say my goodbyes while Im still able to do so. I dont want to drop dead with out saying goodbye. Dying in my sleep, well at least, I would have kissed my wife and told her I love her before I died.

It used to be that when familys were multi generational. That watching some one die was part of life. We got away from that In the last centuary.
Its the circle of life, It happens to all of us at some point. Why try and hide it?
I was not allowed to go to my Grand fathers wake in 1963. I was not quite eleven. To this day I still feel cheated that i didnt get to say goodbye.

Of course thats just how I feel. Your mileage may vary.

I know how you feel James, I was not allowed to to the funeral of My Grand parents, due to My age too. When Mom Died there was no burial, just a cremation, same as My Dad(though I don't have His ashes), I still have Her ashes to this day, I'd love to bury Her, but I can't, someone would have to do that for Me right now, if that were to happen, but I suspect My relatives will bury Her and I together or something, if they survive Me, if nothing changes with My present circumstances that is.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

Both my parents said no big funeral, for many of the reasons Gordon cites. We had a family gather in my back yard, and combined my parents' ashes and mixed them into the soil of the planter Dad built around one of the mulberry trees.

I have participated in funerals large and small, and been one of the few non-family members at private burials of Shipmates and Comrades. I find, as James does, that whether it be close family or a large gathering open to the public, there is much to be gained for the living - closure, a chance to reconnect with old friends and family members, a chance to share stories of the Departed, and create new memories. "Celebration of Life" is the preferred name now, and I believe it is appropriate.

Having no children that I know of, my sisters are my Executors and Trustees. A draft of my Obituary is waiting for them on my computer. They know I wish to be cremated and buried at sea, via submarine if possible. But they also know that when I go, they are to notify all the Veterans' Service Groups I have been a part of, and to co-operate with any plans they may have for a "Celebration of Life".

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

Seppe never want to be cremated, he was terrified of it. They cremated both him and Oonah. I couldn't object because I was in a coma myself.

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rOZZ
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But you mustn't beat yourself up for something that you couldn't possibly have been in a position to have done anything about Julie. This is why it is so important to leave ones wishes in good time with people that you trust will carry them out.

Thank you Chris. I think that making a last will, no matter what age you are, is always a good idea.

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rOZZ
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I think that making a last will, no matter what age you are, is always a good idea.

Yes.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place