PTSD 2

Message boards : Cafe SETI : PTSD 2
Message board moderation

To post messages, you must log in.

Previous · 1 . . . 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 . . . 14 · Next

AuthorMessage
Profile zoom3+1=4
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 30 Nov 03
Posts: 65709
Credit: 55,293,173
RAC: 49
United States
Message 1705005 - Posted: 25 Jul 2015, 19:42:16 UTC - in response to Message 1704993.  

p.s. I don't know if my mother has "Dementia" or not. Whatever it is, it's a weird sort of confusion that sets in and lifts like a fog. Does it make me frustrated and want to run down the street, screaming sometime? Yes.

I can sympathise Gordon, My late Aunt had a stroke which induced Dementia, She was scared and hurt back in 2006, even if I wasn't at the opposite end of the state, there was nothing I could do, She had another stroke later after I'd last talked to Her on the phone, then a 2nd stroke happened to Her, and then a few days later She was gone.
The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's
ID: 1705005 · Report as offensive
Profile James Sotherden
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 16 May 99
Posts: 10436
Credit: 110,373,059
RAC: 54
United States
Message 1705023 - Posted: 25 Jul 2015, 21:22:02 UTC - in response to Message 1704893.  

I just can't psychologically take on in-home support. A nursing/assisted-living facility would kill me emotionally, and an in-home care person would make me too nervous. ~I'm not saying I'm hard to get along with, but I'm an only child and so is my mother, and we're both bull-headed. My father died in 1982, and I'm fiercely independent.


We can understand that. But there will come a day when you will have to rethink that. Remember if you wear yourself out, You will do your mother or yourself no good.

I have had to watch my dad slowly go down hill. Its was hard for my mom and my brother and two sisters, To take on that much responsibility. I can not imageing doing it alone like you are.

Feel free to vent here when ever you need to. Take it from me to some times you just need to scream at the top of your lungs and get it all out.

Best wishes Gordan
[/quote]

Old James
ID: 1705023 · Report as offensive
Profile Angela Special Project $75 donor
Volunteer moderator
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 16 Oct 07
Posts: 13130
Credit: 39,854,104
RAC: 31
United States
Message 1705024 - Posted: 25 Jul 2015, 21:25:22 UTC - in response to Message 1704993.  

p.s. I don't know if my mother has "Dementia" or not. Whatever it is, it's a weird sort of confusion that sets in and lifts like a fog. Does it make me frustrated and want to run down the street, screaming sometime? Yes.


If she does have dementia, you should know that dementia patients have their good days and their bad days, just like all of us.

If you see the fog setting in, try taking your mother for a little walk, just fast enough to get her blood circulating a bit faster that usual. My first job, at age 16, was as a recreation aid in a retirement home. It is amazing what a little walk can do for elderly patients, both physically and mentally. It is not a long term fix. There really is no long term fix for the aging brain, but short term it might help decrease your frustration level and hers.
ID: 1705024 · Report as offensive
Profile Gordon Lowe
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 5 Nov 00
Posts: 12094
Credit: 6,317,865
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1705194 - Posted: 26 Jul 2015, 9:29:28 UTC - in response to Message 1705024.  

p.s. I don't know if my mother has "Dementia" or not. Whatever it is, it's a weird sort of confusion that sets in and lifts like a fog. Does it make me frustrated and want to run down the street, screaming sometime? Yes.


If she does have dementia, you should know that dementia patients have their good days and their bad days, just like all of us.

If you see the fog setting in, try taking your mother for a little walk, just fast enough to get her blood circulating a bit faster that usual. My first job, at age 16, was as a recreation aid in a retirement home. It is amazing what a little walk can do for elderly patients, both physically and mentally. It is not a long term fix. There really is no long term fix for the aging brain, but short term it might help decrease your frustration level and hers.


I've told people it's like taking care of a child(but I've never had kids) because of the self-absorbed nature of her perspective.

Her back injury and subsequent 4 month hospital stay really took away her ability to walk, but a car and wheelchair ride do her good, you're right. Lying in bed is when she's most disoriented, which sort of makes sense. When she's sitting, she is much more clear-headed about everything, and I wonder if maybe(as crazy as this may sound) the position of the head makes a difference?
The mind is a weird and mysterious place
ID: 1705194 · Report as offensive
Profile Gordon Lowe
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 5 Nov 00
Posts: 12094
Credit: 6,317,865
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1705230 - Posted: 26 Jul 2015, 12:31:17 UTC

Something important I want to add is my mother is a witty spirit of dry humor, so much so, I don't always know if she's kidding or the dementia is kicking in.

One morning after her bath, which she hates, she asked me, "Can't I just go outside and stand in the sun?" (to get dried off)

Just this morning, she referred to me as her "Lady-in-waiting", and then asked me if she could sing me a song, and did a really nice rendition of "School Days". She's a trip.
The mind is a weird and mysterious place
ID: 1705230 · Report as offensive
Profile zoom3+1=4
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 30 Nov 03
Posts: 65709
Credit: 55,293,173
RAC: 49
United States
Message 1705241 - Posted: 26 Jul 2015, 13:40:23 UTC

I'll get up from a seated position and sometimes feel strange, like if I look at the nearby fwy traffic thru a window and try to focus on a vehicle, I find I can't, but if I bend over a counter top I'll feel better after a minute or so. My Doctor says My heart is fine, of course I have swollen feet, more so on My left side than the right. Maybe I need a new Doctor.
The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's
ID: 1705241 · Report as offensive
Profile Gordon Lowe
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 5 Nov 00
Posts: 12094
Credit: 6,317,865
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1705286 - Posted: 26 Jul 2015, 16:10:12 UTC

I'm making lunch for us, and I just walked into the living room to see my mother brushing her hair with the tv remote. She said, "this brush doesn't work as nicely as the other ones". It's another moment that as hard as it is to see and express to others, it's worth a smile for me and her. :~)
The mind is a weird and mysterious place
ID: 1705286 · Report as offensive
Profile Donald L. Johnson
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 5 Aug 02
Posts: 8240
Credit: 14,654,533
RAC: 20
United States
Message 1705403 - Posted: 26 Jul 2015, 22:01:54 UTC - in response to Message 1705286.  

I'm making lunch for us, and I just walked into the living room to see my mother brushing her hair with the tv remote. She said, "this brush doesn't work as nicely as the other ones". It's another moment that as hard as it is to see and express to others, it's worth a smile for me and her. :~)

That image got a chuckle from me, too.
"this brush doesn't work as nicely as the other ones".
Yes, a bit of an understatement, that. Dry wit, indeed.
Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired
ID: 1705403 · Report as offensive
kittyman Crowdfunding Project Donor*Special Project $75 donorSpecial Project $250 donor
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 9 Jul 00
Posts: 51468
Credit: 1,018,363,574
RAC: 1,004
United States
Message 1705404 - Posted: 26 Jul 2015, 22:16:47 UTC

I am having some 'dry brush' days here myself as of late.

Amazing lucidness, and then.......blank stares.

I am approaching the dark side.
And the painful part is knowing about it upfront.

And knowing about this illness does not make it go away or stop it's steady advance.

It is coming, I cannot stop it, and I shall fight it to the very end point.

One day, the kittyman shall cometh no longer.
It shall be sudden and irrevocable.
And what that means is that I have reached the edge beyond which I can no longer return from.

I am given maybe a year from now, according to my doctors./

I do hope to prove them wrong.
And given my stubborness and anger, I just might.
What the F do they know, anyway?
I was born to fight something, somewhere.
You all know me. I am not gonna let some doctor tell me I am finished here just yet. Not now, not yet.
"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

ID: 1705404 · Report as offensive
Profile Gordon Lowe
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 5 Nov 00
Posts: 12094
Credit: 6,317,865
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1706007 - Posted: 28 Jul 2015, 15:53:07 UTC

Specific to the PTSD theme of this thread, when my dad died in 1982, my mother took on a huge role, and I never prepared myself to see her get sick, last year. Her current dementia symptoms have been around for a few years, but her fall, pneumonia, and 4 month hospital stay accelerated things. It's hard; I don't like seeing this person who walked three laps around the reservoir everyday, and painted every picture in her house, be so tired and confused. :~(
The mind is a weird and mysterious place
ID: 1706007 · Report as offensive
Profile James Sotherden
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 16 May 99
Posts: 10436
Credit: 110,373,059
RAC: 54
United States
Message 1706202 - Posted: 29 Jul 2015, 7:31:51 UTC - in response to Message 1706007.  
Last modified: 29 Jul 2015, 7:33:15 UTC

Specific to the PTSD theme of this thread, when my dad died in 1982, my mother took on a huge role, and I never prepared myself to see her get sick, last year. Her current dementia symptoms have been around for a few years, but her fall, pneumonia, and 4 month hospital stay accelerated things. It's hard; I don't like seeing this person who walked three laps around the reservoir everyday, and painted every picture in her house, be so tired and confused. :~(

My guess is that a bad case of pneumonia. Take a heavy toll on a person health.
My dad had parkinsons for 20 yeras and was doing ok with. He had had bouts of it before. But the last one he had allmost killed him. He was delrious for 3 days. He didnt know any of us kids at all.
Thats when his Dr. told us he had about 6 months at the most. He lived for 4 months.
He came out of that last pneumonia bout far more wearker and frail. To tell you the truth I think he knew it was near the end also.
With Parkinsons the mucles that let you swallow food and drink dont work very good. You aspirate food and drink into your lungs.
It was never withheld from my dad that he was on limited time. We had a family meeting and the question my mom asked was should we tell him. I remember growing up hearing my dad tell me that he wished his own father had known he was dying. My Grandmother for some reason, That everyone should pretend he was going to be ok. I was ten at the time, I know the ansgt that what on between them.
I told them that my dad should know the truth. So my mom told him.
The day before he died.He called a meeting and said his goodbyes.
His last words to me were, Well I wont be a burden to you kids very much longer. Well jeez i lost it. All I could get out was dad i love you. And we had one of those few moments where we both cried in each other shoulders.
My dad died in 2008. I miss him a lot. He taught me more than I can ever say. yeah I used to roll my eyes up when he preached. Or told a story. But i did listen. I wish I could still listen. But then again I do hear his voice. I will remember a snippet of wisdom from years past that fits the moment.
Thanks Dad. I wll never be the man you were. But I can try.

Edit-Sorry for the long post.
[/quote]

Old James
ID: 1706202 · Report as offensive
Profile zoom3+1=4
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 30 Nov 03
Posts: 65709
Credit: 55,293,173
RAC: 49
United States
Message 1706274 - Posted: 29 Jul 2015, 13:41:21 UTC - in response to Message 1706202.  
Last modified: 29 Jul 2015, 13:45:25 UTC

That's ok James, I still miss both My Dad and My Brother, it's ironic, My Brother was named James, though not at first, Mom named Him Sandy, cause of the color of His hair, Dad had Grandpa legally change that to James(Dad was overseas, probably in France in 1944), since 'home Sandy' doesn't have the same ring to it that 'home James' does, yeah I said that, He knew I was kidding, He's My Brother, now I just hope that I live as long as our Dad at the very least
The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's
ID: 1706274 · Report as offensive
Profile Gordon Lowe
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 5 Nov 00
Posts: 12094
Credit: 6,317,865
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1706281 - Posted: 29 Jul 2015, 14:08:04 UTC
Last modified: 29 Jul 2015, 14:08:33 UTC

The last three posts are exactly why I want to be here with my mother all the time, now. I am angry at myself that I haven't spent more time with her the 25 years I've been out of college, "doing my thing".

We have some voice recordings of my dad, mom and I, from the 70's, we used to make, following summer vacations. They are awesome time capsules, and I'm going to start doing some of my mother and me, now.
The mind is a weird and mysterious place
ID: 1706281 · Report as offensive
Profile zoom3+1=4
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 30 Nov 03
Posts: 65709
Credit: 55,293,173
RAC: 49
United States
Message 1706346 - Posted: 29 Jul 2015, 18:06:47 UTC - in response to Message 1706281.  

The last three posts are exactly why I want to be here with my mother all the time, now. I am angry at myself that I haven't spent more time with her the 25 years I've been out of college, "doing my thing".

We have some voice recordings of my dad, mom and I, from the 70's, we used to make, following summer vacations. They are awesome time capsules, and I'm going to start doing some of my mother and me, now.

+1 Gordon, +1.
The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's
ID: 1706346 · Report as offensive
Profile Donald L. Johnson
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 5 Aug 02
Posts: 8240
Credit: 14,654,533
RAC: 20
United States
Message 1706374 - Posted: 29 Jul 2015, 18:52:58 UTC - in response to Message 1706281.  

The last three posts are exactly why I want to be here with my mother all the time, now. I am angry at myself that I haven't spent more time with her the 25 years I've been out of college, "doing my thing".

I can understand the anger, but the past is the past. Don't waste energy on things that are done and cannot be changed. What matters is you are spending the time with her NOW, when she most needs it. Make today as good a day as you can, for both of you, and when today becomes yesterday, let it go. No regrets, only memories...
Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired
ID: 1706374 · Report as offensive
Profile James Sotherden
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 16 May 99
Posts: 10436
Credit: 110,373,059
RAC: 54
United States
Message 1706598 - Posted: 30 Jul 2015, 7:07:41 UTC

@Vic. Yep My wife says home James all the time. I allways take it as the good humor it was meant to be:)

Chris and Donald, Raise some great points Gordan.
We all have regrets in things past. I used to dwell on some. But that never has changed anything that happend. So I will be 63 on 31 july, Have finally aquired the knowledge that I will take my regrets in the past and use them as teaching aids for my future. And tell them to those youngsters who will listen to my lifes adventure. Yep, They will role their eyes and say we heard that before. And some day maybe they will think of me.
[/quote]

Old James
ID: 1706598 · Report as offensive
anniet
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 2 Feb 14
Posts: 7105
Credit: 1,577,368
RAC: 75
Zambia
Message 1707391 - Posted: 1 Aug 2015, 17:15:04 UTC
Last modified: 1 Aug 2015, 17:21:41 UTC

Many very wise words have been keyed-in in here :) I know they were written for others, but as is the norm for seti, reading them is like being enveloped in a huge hug :)

Gordon - a good mum needs to see her little ones fly free from the nest - no matter how much she misses them when they do. You're doing the right thing. You always have done - you're just struggling to see that. So be kind to yourself :) You deserve it :)

Just in case you need any further confirmation as to your current path being the correct one - read on :) You can too James - it will clarify your perspective as to what constitutes a "long post" :)))

My mum - as some of you might recall - has ended up in a distant care facility, which I was far from happy about and determined to change. Unfortunately, due to a rather spectacular pig's breakfast of health issues ;/ I did not. Nor was I in any contact with her care staff for long periods during that time.

I am now. The staff say she's having nightmares - and because she's disturbing other residents - their answer is to heavily medicate her. I understand that. It might even be the right thing for her. Except I know that what she is experiencing is not a nightmare (in the sense of something her brain has made up) but is instead, a reliving of a traumatic period in her life. For her to settle back down without a repeat of the same nightmare an hour or so later, I know what she needs to hear. They don't, and nor do they have the time it seems to even try. But if that is where her mind currently has her trapped – and they're unable to tease out a path in her memories that leads her away from there - doping her up to the eyeballs round the clock is what they'll need to do to put a stop to it. I'm really not okay with that. So yes - I can keep answering the phonecalls in the early hours of the morning to calm her down if I have to, but I can't give her a cuddle at the same time, and whether she needs one or not - I do - every time. And I'm not getting them. It's just not good enough *ferocious glare* anniet's need hugs...

Where was I? Oh yes...

That's what is happening when she's supposed to be in bed. But she's disturbing everyone at other times too - sometimes for similar reasons following a nap. Sometimes for helpfully plunging rooms into darkness. *Supercilious blink* It's so the people on TV can't see you're spying on them... Y-e-e-e-s – always a worry :)

I know it wasn't even remotely funny - but last weekend's moancall gave me outright giggles and those didn't go down too well with my caller *pause to reprimand anniet most severely - again* She got into the staff kitchen - cooked herself an empty tinfoil container in the microwave (she's always had simple tastes) and set off a smoke alarm. The result was an inundation of fire and ambulance staff within minutes. Heartening to know were there ever an actual fire, and from what I gleaned from other residents during my next visit - the highlight of their year so far :) But when the care staff rang me to complain about how it wouldn't have happened if they could medicate her as they wished, effectively dumping responsibility for the event in my lap - all I could think was: why was she hungry? I admit she may NOT have been. She did decommission a cordless phone by defrosting it in her own microwave :) but the thought that she might have been hungry keeps troubling me. How she got into the staff kitchen and had enough time to commit such a heinous act is another question that they seem unwilling to answer.

I can't help feeling their focus is skewed from where it should be, and it's left me uneasy. So I'm bringing her back home to live with me. There are many reasons why it may not work out, and I know I am going to need respite care for her at times because of my own nagging health issues - but whether it's respite, or becomes permanent, it will be somewhere much closer, and staff won't too easily fall into the complacency that my infrequent visits to see my mum since the end of March has led to :(

I need a week to prepare for her, and then it'll just be a matter of working things out as we go. And she's no trouble at all when she's parked under a cat or two :) But if you can Gordon - look into what help there is out there that you might be able to call on for short periods. You may never need it - but if you do - it'll be a lot less stressful for you if you know where and who she is with. I didn't know for a long time with my mum. It was awful :( I don't want to go through that again.

On a lighter note... thanks for the remote control tip :) Haven't winced once since binning all my hairbrushes.

EDIT: and hugs for everyone who's posted in here :)
ID: 1707391 · Report as offensive
Profile Angela Special Project $75 donor
Volunteer moderator
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 16 Oct 07
Posts: 13130
Credit: 39,854,104
RAC: 31
United States
Message 1707418 - Posted: 1 Aug 2015, 19:57:57 UTC

Gordon, it sounds like you are making the very best use of the time you have left with your mother. My heart to yours, friend.
ID: 1707418 · Report as offensive
Profile James Sotherden
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 16 May 99
Posts: 10436
Credit: 110,373,059
RAC: 54
United States
Message 1707558 - Posted: 2 Aug 2015, 3:52:20 UTC

Gordan, You have to do what you feel is right. We can give you advice based on what we have gone through, But we havent walked in your shoes.

Annie, I will give you a room hug. To take the responsility of your mom with what you have gone through on your own health issues is wonderfull.

My mom is 82 now and has COPD. She needs to be on oxygen when she is walking even around the house. I worry about her now.
[/quote]

Old James
ID: 1707558 · Report as offensive
Profile Smoke me a kipper
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 28 Apr 01
Posts: 122
Credit: 270,914
RAC: 0
United Kingdom
Message 1707567 - Posted: 2 Aug 2015, 4:10:25 UTC

ID: 1707567 · Report as offensive
Previous · 1 . . . 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 . . . 14 · Next

Message boards : Cafe SETI : PTSD 2


 
©2024 University of California
 
SETI@home and Astropulse are funded by grants from the National Science Foundation, NASA, and donations from SETI@home volunteers. AstroPulse is funded in part by the NSF through grant AST-0307956.