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anniet Send message Joined: 2 Feb 14 Posts: 7105 Credit: 1,577,368 RAC: 75 |
Thank you for those kind words Gordon, yes it was a difficult time for our family. I think that the point here is that my mum had no real possibility of any sort of recovery, and I had to be pragmatic and sadly accept that. In your case your mum could have a much more positive future. At least I sincerely hope so. +1 And thank you Chris for your moving words. :) As an only child and to protect his mum, my other half had to reach that decision on his own when his father suffered a heart attack followed by a massive stroke during dialysis. I know it still torments him eighteen years later, even though it was the right decision - for his dad in particular. :( |
Byron Leigh Hatch @ team Carl Sagan Send message Joined: 5 Jul 99 Posts: 4548 Credit: 35,667,570 RAC: 4 |
Chris, thank you for sharing that. I can't imagine being in your father's shoes or yours in a time like that. I was asked initially when my mom was first admitted to the ICU a couple weeks ago if I wanted her on a ventilator and feeding tube, and I said of course, not really knowing what the future held, but she's now down to just what they call a T-tube, which means she's breathing on her own, but there is a tube down to her lungs to remove mucous accumulations. She's still on the feeding tube, but she said she was hungry yesterday, and wanted some Easter candy this morning, so those are good signs to me! The problem is, she still can't talk because of the trach balloon in her throat. In the next day or so, she's going to transfer out of ICU into specialized respiratory care where she'll get weaned off those tubes, and PT and OT can commence in ernest. Dear Gordon Lowe I don't know if we know each other ... but I just wanted to say God Bless you Gordon Lowe and God bles your Mum. I'm getting very old now and I'm crying as I type this. |
Byron Leigh Hatch @ team Carl Sagan Send message Joined: 5 Jul 99 Posts: 4548 Credit: 35,667,570 RAC: 4 |
Everybody is different when faced with life threatening illnesses, here is my story, which I have already told here before which may help others. Dear Chris, Hi Chris I Know we know each other a little bit. but I just wanted to say God Bless you and God bless your Mum and dad. My mum committed suicide in 1952 when I was 13. I have been scared all my life. I'm not a very smart person. so I never got an education or a trade I was scared all my life and just work from job to job. My dad was University teacher. he was a kind gentle person but always broke and in debt. I was always scared Bill collector banging on door. we lived in two rented room in a house with 5 other families in Vancouver .............. latter my dad went in to the logging business but was forced out and went broke. when I took my dad to the hospital when he was dying of lung cancer I should have stayed with him to hold his hand. but I was too scared if I did that if I did not go to my minimum pay job I would get fired ... that was 1980 I would get fired. My dad died before I got to work along that day .............. I'm a scared. I never married ... so I will die alone in this one room I rent. In I'm getting very old now and I'm crying as I type this. I guess this the first time I have ever talked about myself ........... since I joined SETI@home in 1999 ...... July 5 .................... I soo am sorry and I apologize .................. Byron, thank you for all of your kind wishes of goodwill. our only home ..... tiny little planet Earth ..... be kind and gentle to one another and ... God Bless, all you all |
kittyman Send message Joined: 9 Jul 00 Posts: 51468 Credit: 1,018,363,574 RAC: 1,004 |
Byron, my friend. If I may call you that. There is an old cut I post now and again about living in fear. This is it..........And every single moment of those times, shall be lost, Byron, when I do. Now that does not mean I wish to hasten the process. I long ago reckognized the fact that I shall be here just as long as, and not a second more than, what my Creator wishes me to be here for. It is not my choice. I could drop dead at any second. Or could live until I am 95. Dunno. Don't wish to know or waste much time thinking about it. Seems you have had a rather hard go of it, Byron. But, as things was out, I do hope you become more at peace with it. Many appreciate your friendship here, and that matters very much. Best wishes and kitty kisses. I must now turn it in for the night myself. Snoozes for kitties. Mewo, my friend. Meow. "Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster |
anniet Send message Joined: 2 Feb 14 Posts: 7105 Credit: 1,577,368 RAC: 75 |
Oh Byron :( I'm so sorry :( My mum tried to commit suicide on my 6th birthday. Those kinds of tragedies, so much worse in your case, stay with us forever. Fear becomes almost the natural state, so when other tragedies befall us they just feed what was already "nurtured" in our formative years. I'm so sorry you could not be with your dad at the end. It must have been such a traumatic time for you. And I'm dreadfully dreadfully sorry you feel so alone now. All I can say is whenever I find you on the boards, you bring such a happy smile to my face. When you haven't posted for a while, we all miss you. Please don't cry anymore - cos my eyes have gone all soggy now, and that'll just get worse if you do... and all sorts of typo's are likely to result. :) You're with friends here... always. |
Gordon Lowe Send message Joined: 5 Nov 00 Posts: 12094 Credit: 6,317,865 RAC: 0 |
Byron, it's very hard for me to think about what you went through when your mother committed suicide. I'm very very sorry that you experienced that. You loved your dad, too, and as my mother has always said, we are doing the best we can. By the way, she loves Carl Sagan, too, and would love to see your profile pic. The mind is a weird and mysterious place |
Donald L. Johnson Send message Joined: 5 Aug 02 Posts: 8240 Credit: 14,654,533 RAC: 20 |
Hi Chris I Know we know each other a little bit. but I just wanted to say God Bless you and God bless your Mum and dad. My mum committed suicide in 1952 when I was 13. I have been scared all my life. I'm not a very smart person. so I never got an education or a trade I was scared all my life and just work from job to job. My dad was University teacher. he was a kind gentle person but always broke and in debt. I was always scared Bill collector banging on door. My dad went in to the logging business but was forced out and went broke. when I took my dad to the hospital when he was dying of lung cancer I should have stayed with him to hold his hand. but I was too scared if I did that if I did not go to my minimum pay job I would get fired ... that was 1980 I would get fired. My dad died before I got to work along that day .............. I'm a scared. I never married ... so I will die alone in this one room I rent. In I'm getting very old now and I'm crying as I type this. Byron, I don't think you owe anyone an apology for telling your story here - that is what this thread is for. Often, just putting the story into words releases some of the stress and loosens the fear's grip on you. Having repeatedly asked God's Blessings on us, I believe you are a man of faith. My faith tells me that while you may be by yourself most of the time, you are NOT alone - God is with you, and will always be within reach. And we are here, to listen and talk, to laugh and joke and cry along with you. our only home ..... Yes, may God Bless us, every one. Donald Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired |
anniet Send message Joined: 2 Feb 14 Posts: 7105 Credit: 1,577,368 RAC: 75 |
"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." Thomas Campbell By the way, she loves Carl Sagan, too, and would love to see your profile pic. So do I :) Wasn't he a wonderful and inspirational man. ...and sadness is a tragic part of that. :( |
James Sotherden Send message Joined: 16 May 99 Posts: 10436 Credit: 110,373,059 RAC: 54 |
Byron, Thanks for telling your pain. And No need to apologise. You can also participate as much or as little as you prefer. I watched my dad die from parkinsons. After his last bout with pneumonia wich allmost killed him then. His Dr. told us that he had at most 6 months. maybe 2 more with be fed by tube. My mom wanted a family meeting, So my brother and two sisters with our spouses discussed what we should do. Do we tell dad that he is on limited time. Or pretend that he has more time. I can remeber when my Grandfather MY Dads dad) was dying of Pancreatic cancer. My father allways thought that it was wrong for my Grandmother to keep it from my Grandfather that he was dying. Im the oldest and dad allways told me that was wrong while I was growing up. At the family meeting I told every one that is not what dad would want and why. My mom told him. She said there was lots of tears. But he seemed more at peace knowing the truth. Plus we didnt have to pretend all would be well. The day before my dad died we knew time was short and I think he did too. I went in to see him and he told me Well you wont have much longer for me to be a bother for all of you. I lost it then. I cryied like a baby. Told him I loved him, And its no bother. I was on 3rd shift getting ready to go to work on a Sunday night when my mom called telling me he had died. So Byron I can understand the quilt of not being there for when your dad died. But we never now the exact time so we also have to live our lives also. You are never alone in this thread. [/quote] Old James |
celttooth Send message Joined: 21 Nov 99 Posts: 26503 Credit: 28,583,098 RAC: 0 |
Oh Byron, please hang in there, if I can still be doing it, any one can. |
zoom3+1=4 Send message Joined: 30 Nov 03 Posts: 65709 Credit: 55,293,173 RAC: 49 |
I have something, My Dad, the last time I saw Him alive, showed Me His gun, It was a .32 caliber revolver, He said He's use it if the pain got any worse, I didn't say anything as I had hoped He'd not use the gun, He was found the next day by My Brother, who also found our Grandpa who'd given up living. Dad had the gun in His hand with a death grip on it My Brother said, Dad was thought to have had cancer and was supposed to go to the Doctor w/My Brother on the Day He was found, Dad had Army training in how to use a handgun cause of WWII(Cpl, Medic, 368th Medical, 3rd Army, service from 1942 to 1946, N.Africa, Sicily, Anzio, N.France and Occupied Germany until 1946, He was recommended for 2 commendations for His paperwork that was related to Allied and POW Patients)... Needless to say I'm the last survivor of My immediate family and yes I'm still single. The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's |
kittyman Send message Joined: 9 Jul 00 Posts: 51468 Credit: 1,018,363,574 RAC: 1,004 |
Could I possibly go off topic on y'all for just a moment. And don't ask me why, how, or where this came from in this moment. Please, give me this one moment of sharing. I'll go away with my tears soon enough. My one little bit, here. Now. It's really such a bit of innocence. The Wizard of Ox, but not quite. Ok.......suck back your breath, her we so, shall we? How? Now, that was not so bad, was it? I'll get over it somehow. I always do., somewhow. It is just that it gets harder every day now, and it is starting to take it's toll. "Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster |
Byron Leigh Hatch @ team Carl Sagan Send message Joined: 5 Jul 99 Posts: 4548 Credit: 35,667,570 RAC: 4 |
Hello everyone I just wanted to thank everyone for you kind thought and Good wishes it made me feel so Good ... like I am very lucky man to have so many Friend :) anniet Julie Gordon Lowe Donald L Johnson Chris S James Sotherden Zoom 314 Mark Sattlles Zappy Es99 Wiggo ... And the Whole SETI@home Community :) Many of you have serve in the armed forces of your Countries and saw much suffering and pain. so all of us in the SETI@home Community have had our own suffering and pain. so I think the main thing to remember is that others may have had much more suffering and pain than ourselves. and when we see others suffering and in pain ..... a smile, a group hug and a Kind word goes a long way :) God Bless you all, and may Peace and Love be with you all the days of your life, Byron |
anniet Send message Joined: 2 Feb 14 Posts: 7105 Credit: 1,577,368 RAC: 75 |
Hi Byron! So glad we have been able to offer you some support. :) Isn't this thread wonderful? I know it's full of so many sad events in people's lives :( and unresolved heartaches :( - and that it can take a lot of courage to post here, but once you do you find this thread, above all the others on the SETI boards, is brimming with such wonderful people ready to listen, empathise, advise and support each other :) Your kind and thoughtful posts always brighten my day, and always will and I know I am not alone in saying that. I feel priveleged to have been able to give you a little of that back. :) Don't suffer in silence, and don't conceal your pain. The thought of any one of us doing so, or feeling lonely, makes me feel so sad... :( and you really don't want to do that... because you'll never hear the end of it if you do :) (I do hope EVERYONE was listening to that... :)) You said: I just wanted to thank everyone for you kind thought and Good wishes it made me feel so Good ... like I am very lucky man to have so many Friend :) There is absolutely no need to thank us, but I am so happy we helped you feel good and that it also helped you to realise that you have many many friends. :) when we see others suffering and in pain ..... a smile, a group hug and a Kind word goes a long way :) I LOVE smiles and group hugs and kind words!! I'm so glad you do too! :) Best wishes ALWAYS, annie :) |
James Sotherden Send message Joined: 16 May 99 Posts: 10436 Credit: 110,373,059 RAC: 54 |
I know reading through all these posts is and would be a pain to a new joiner, But I would recommend it. There are many brave posters who have shared the pain they have felt in their lives. But the best part is reading how they got past the pain and moved on. Im impressed by you posters in here. There isnt a person alive who wont have to deal some kind of pain. But it does seem that some get dealt a lot more than others. Well as my parents told me all the time, Life aint fair. Get used to it. I will say I dont like some of the things Ive had to go through. Who does? Im old enough now to realize that all the heartache and pain and angst has made me what I am now. And Im very happy in my life in the here and now. [/quote] Old James |
Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34041 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
Hi Byron! So glad we have been able to offer you some support. :) +100! So sorry to hear about your mother Byron, must've been really hard for you. I once had a friend and his father killed himself as him and I were speaking on the phone. He actually saw his dad run into a truck. That boy was never normal again. He was in psychiatry for quite a while too. Always hard for a young kid to lose one of his/her parents:( rOZZ Music Pictures |
Donald L. Johnson Send message Joined: 5 Aug 02 Posts: 8240 Credit: 14,654,533 RAC: 20 |
"Life isn't fair?" Surely you jest! "I never jest. And don't call me Shirley!" Couldn't resist. But James' comments also reminded me that one of my cousins believes the Brockman/Karohl side of the family is distantly related to the German philosopher Nietscke(sp?), the one who wrote "Also Sprach Zarathustra" and said "God is Dead". I think God had the last word on that one..... I remember him more for the statement "What doesn't destroy me makes me stronger." I agree with him on that, but I have noticed that dealing with adversity and NOT letting it destroy you is almost instinctive for some, but must be learned by most others. Mostly you learn from others who have been there and done that, and probably got help from someone else along the way.... The guy who said "No man is an island, alone unto himself" was right. We humans are social animals, we need to be part of the community. By reaching out to the community, we find people who can and will help us deal with our problems. We all need that little bit of help sometimes. And it's only right to give some in return, when the opportunity presents itself. Where's Mark with a link to Bill Withers....... Donald Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired |
zoom3+1=4 Send message Joined: 30 Nov 03 Posts: 65709 Credit: 55,293,173 RAC: 49 |
"Life isn't fair?" Surely you jest! Of course I've found there are some people who think humans aren't social creatures, are they insane? If they're harmful, yes, if not, no. But in any case life is only fair in one respect I think and that is each of us has a 50% chance of living or dying, accidents just happen, can they be prevented? In some cases yes, in others where one has no control, no. Humans do have free will, but some things and actions go beyond the pale and threaten all... The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's |
Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34041 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
"Life isn't fair?" Surely you jest! + one million Vic. We can't see it as the survival of the fittest, maybe in biological terms........... There's more to it. rOZZ Music Pictures |
Gordon Lowe Send message Joined: 5 Nov 00 Posts: 12094 Credit: 6,317,865 RAC: 0 |
My mother has been in the ICU now since April 6th, due to pneumonia brought on by her general weakened condition from the lower sacral back fracture. I will keep the stats brief, but she is breathing with a 28% oxygen assist, and is being suctioned for lung secretions at least once an hour. She's going to transfer tomorrow into another hospital that specializes in respiratory care, and they will also ramp up her physical therapy to get her leg muscles back in tone, because she hasn't walked since March 1st. Her doctors all indicate to some degree that she's probably not going to be able to recover fully. I don't like that prognosis, and as soon as it's practical to get her off the 24 hour treatment, I am getting her home. I can't see her die in a hospital or skilled nursing facility. The funny thing is, I think she would be ok with whatever happens because she is a very pragmatic person who is very at peace with life and death, and doesn't want me to be under stress, but it is crucially important to me that she be at home again as soon as possible. I hate seeing her in the situation she's in. The mind is a weird and mysterious place |
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