Life without Laughter


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Profile Chris SProject donor
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Message 1431049 - Posted: 20 Oct 2013, 10:19:35 UTC

Mark there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Thats why I wont ever pass judgement on a persons way to do it.

Of course there isn't, death and bereavement is by it's very nature hugely personal. Even two parents losing the same child will grieve differently. The church has a positive attitude to it when they say "We are not here just to mourn someones passing, but also to celebrate their life". Most churchyards have fresh flowers on graves of people who died 20 or 30 years ago, Gardens of Remembrance at Crematoria, have regularly renewed rosebushes in someones memory, the book of remembrance is opened one page at a time throughout the year, so the inscriptions can be read.

Over the last 20 years in the UK, there has been a large increase in roadside shrines at scenes of fatal road accidents, there are two along my local bypass. And yes they are regularly renewed, with Local authorities looking benignly upon it. It is acts of remembrance that can take the edge off raw grief. Vic's experience is perfectly normal. When someone close dies, you pull yourself together and do what needs to be done in the circumstances, then when all the formalities are over and done with, the reality kicks in, and sometimes quite hard. It might take a few hours or days, and then it can last a short or a long time, everyone is different. But with help and support, you emerge, albeit a changed person, but with hopefully kind memories.

Some humour in good taste can take the edge off it. My dad is now 100 and he has said "When I go I want a brass band marching down the high street!", I said "Weelll, we might manage a 3 piece group outside the Co-Op!". We both know we are kidding of course, but that's all to the good.

Profile Donald L. JohnsonProject donor
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Message 1431330 - Posted: 21 Oct 2013, 6:01:51 UTC - in response to Message 1431049.

Some humour in good taste can take the edge off it. My dad is now 100 and he has said "When I go I want a brass band marching down the high street!", I said "Weelll, we might manage a 3 piece group outside the Co-Op!". We both know we are kidding of course, but that's all to the good.

Reminds me of the NCIS episode where Kate gets killed, and as they are leaving the gravesite, Abby cues up a CD of a Dixieland Funeral March on her boombox.
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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

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Message 1431399 - Posted: 21 Oct 2013, 12:03:21 UTC

I lost a child and my husband in a car crash. Life goes on, whether you want it or not.
You have two choices, either live or die, no in between and when you choose to live, you'd better make something out of it and be positive! No use wallowing in your grief...
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Message 1431428 - Posted: 21 Oct 2013, 14:39:21 UTC

I have this to say about that.
Like others I also have lost people very close to me,
I try to live my life in a way that I think would please
all my loved ones. Just about all of them, alive and not
alive share the same joy of life that I do, that is how
I handle the whole thing.

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Message 1431430 - Posted: 21 Oct 2013, 14:46:51 UTC

Well said, Ian:)
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Message 1431445 - Posted: 21 Oct 2013, 15:20:49 UTC - in response to Message 1431430.

Well said, Ian:)

I would add all of them would want you to soldier on through life.

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Message 1431741 - Posted: 22 Oct 2013, 4:13:06 UTC

Three years ago my brother John died of a rare bone marrow disorder. We were born 13 months apart. Not a day goes by that I do not miss him, but life if for the living.

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Message 1431767 - Posted: 22 Oct 2013, 6:00:43 UTC - in response to Message 1431399.

I lost a child and my husband in a car crash. Life goes on, whether you want it or not.
You have two choices, either live or die, no in between and when you choose to live, you'd better make something out of it and be positive! No use wallowing in your grief...


Julie, I think you stated That very well. In the depth of my dispair, I thought of suicide. Just the thought of doing it scared the hell out of me. I wanted to live! From that day on life was better everyday. I have been married to a great lady since 1996. I live for today and the future. The past is called the past for a reason. You cant live in it, Nor would I want to. The things that happend in the past are what made me what I am today. And I really like today and look forward to tomorow.
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Profile Chris SProject donor
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Message 1431815 - Posted: 22 Oct 2013, 10:00:02 UTC

I have the utmost admiration for Julie and Angela, and all others that are able to bounce back. Grieve - yes, remember - always, but life has to be for the living, even if it isn't easy at times.

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Message 1431861 - Posted: 22 Oct 2013, 17:43:03 UTC

hear hear:)
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rOZZ

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Message boards : Cafe SETI : Life without Laughter

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