Puns O Fun 24


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John McLeod VII
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Message 1338658 - Posted: 15 Feb 2013, 23:25:34 UTC

I have an alergy to being soiled.
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Message 1338675 - Posted: 16 Feb 2013, 0:11:51 UTC

I have an alligator in the bog.
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Message 1338807 - Posted: 16 Feb 2013, 7:58:06 UTC

I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill...
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Message 1341127 - Posted: 27 Feb 2013, 1:32:09 UTC

I know this isn't the usual style of this thread, but I'm stealing this from a Facebook friend.

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11 Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

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David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.


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Message 1341128 - Posted: 27 Feb 2013, 1:51:51 UTC - in response to Message 1341127.

26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

My father worked as a computer programmer back in the days of huge mainframes. He was a member of the Mark IV Users Group. It, or an offshoot of it, was called the IV League. They smugly pronounced it as though it were spelled Ivy. I preferred to pronounce it like the the medical treatment they most likely needed.

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David
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Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.


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Message 1341235 - Posted: 27 Feb 2013, 11:33:52 UTC

If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
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Message 1341247 - Posted: 27 Feb 2013, 12:34:05 UTC

Small ancient towels to dry your face give you a lot of old flannel!

© Chris S 2013

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Message 1341301 - Posted: 27 Feb 2013, 16:47:47 UTC

Very good puns everyone. Sorry if I seem to be neglecting my own thread.

I keep a pair of scissors at my computer desk to cut wayward payment slips from the rest of the bill. Trouble is when the grandkids are visiting they use them for what kids use them for and never put them back. One day after they had left I could not find them. I looked in the places where I saw them being used but still no luck. I gave up the chase and just plopped down in my computer chair. I found them, Only now they are called INSCISSORS.
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Old James

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Message 1341355 - Posted: 27 Feb 2013, 20:32:02 UTC

I went to the doctor really upset and said I keep dropping things, he said get a grip man!

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Message 1341600 - Posted: 28 Feb 2013, 11:35:42 UTC

I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I've been carrying. I'm ex-static!
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Message 1344347 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 5:25:13 UTC

TO: Ex (AKA Dave II), Current Reigning Monarch of Punland
FROM: Angela (AKA CRL... Crazy Raccoon Lady), Former Monarch of Punland
RE: Friday Night Pun War

I believe, good sir, that you still have my crown. I trust that you have kept it in good repair. I have a rare Friday night free and I would delight in winning my crown back. Please make your presence known in this Pun Room when you are ready to be defeated.


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Message 1344353 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 5:48:30 UTC

I am present to attempt to defend this crown, though my lack of literary skills will make this an easy victory for Ang I'm sure.
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-Dave #2

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Message 1344355 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 5:54:22 UTC

Good evening, sire. Have you a topic for us?

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Message 1344356 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 5:57:18 UTC

Perhaps Golem and his precious would like to get in the RING tonight?
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-Dave #2

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Message 1344358 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 5:59:56 UTC

Feeling a bit SMAUG, are we?

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Message 1344360 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 6:01:31 UTC

I GIMLI see a chance of losing here.
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-Dave #2

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Message 1344361 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 6:01:59 UTC

I intend to be a THORIN in your side this evening...

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Message 1344362 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 6:02:50 UTC

Getting ARAGORNt already?
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-Dave #2

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Message 1344363 - Posted: 9 Mar 2013, 6:03:54 UTC

Perhaps... there is plenty MORIA where that comes from.

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