Tuesday Puns

Message boards : Cafe SETI : Tuesday Puns
Message board moderation

To post messages, you must log in.

AuthorMessage
Profile Blurf
Volunteer tester

Send message
Joined: 2 Sep 06
Posts: 8861
Credit: 11,060,656
RAC: 5,948
United States
Message 1293311 - Posted: 10 Oct 2012, 0:09:41 UTC

Passed on by a friend...enjoy!

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now .

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type- O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.



ID: 1293311 · Report as offensive
Sirius B
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Dec 00
Posts: 16750
Credit: 2,322,735
RAC: 895
Ireland
Message 1293312 - Posted: 10 Oct 2012, 0:13:58 UTC


ID: 1293312 · Report as offensive
Profile zoom314
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 30 Nov 03
Posts: 59201
Credit: 43,254,506
RAC: 5,957
United States
Message 1293339 - Posted: 10 Oct 2012, 2:05:18 UTC

Nice Blurf...

Hey the bats are missing, someone call the Batman...
H.R. 1469 makes SSI, EITC, ACA, Medicaid, SNAP, LiHeap, Heap, etc, etc, etc, all temporary, w/a 5yr lifetime limit like TANF! Can't work? Die!!
ID: 1293339 · Report as offensive
Profile tullio
Volunteer moderator
Volunteer tester

Send message
Joined: 9 Apr 04
Posts: 6212
Credit: 1,536,287
RAC: 2,609
Italy
Message 1293348 - Posted: 10 Oct 2012, 2:25:43 UTC

American bats are suffering from a European disease which does not kill European bats. It was imported as a virus from some cave visitors. I've read this on New Scientist.
Tullio
ID: 1293348 · Report as offensive
Profile Julie
Volunteer moderator
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 28 Oct 09
Posts: 33461
Credit: 11,785,555
RAC: 5,546
Belgium
Message 1293442 - Posted: 10 Oct 2012, 11:20:24 UTC

Funny, Blurf:)
rOZZ
Music
Pictures
ID: 1293442 · Report as offensive
rob smith
Volunteer tester

Send message
Joined: 7 Mar 03
Posts: 14927
Credit: 232,353,547
RAC: 389,121
United Kingdom
Message 1293497 - Posted: 10 Oct 2012, 16:19:25 UTC

Keep taking the tablets Blurf - and when you've finished doing that can you send a cleaner over to dry out my keyboard please....
Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?
ID: 1293497 · Report as offensive

Message boards : Cafe SETI : Tuesday Puns


 
©2017 University of California
 
SETI@home and Astropulse are funded by grants from the National Science Foundation, NASA, and donations from SETI@home volunteers. AstroPulse is funded in part by the NSF through grant AST-0307956.