The comedy answering machine message has become an artform in itself. Here are 2 of my favourites. What are yours ?

1) (in an operator type voice) "The number you have dialed is unreal, please rotate your phone ninety degrees and try again".

2) "Sorry I can't take your call right now, However, this is an answering machine, this is the 21st century, you should know what to do"

or the shortened form,

"You know who it is, you know what to do".

T.A.

New style auto-menu & totally politically incorrect.

Please press 1 if you can speak English

Please press 2 if you cannot

"Thank you for pressing 2: Please come back when you can"

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A good one, many years ago, from a co-worker. A TV set is playing loudly in the background, and the message starts:

"Hello?"
long pause
"Yeah"
long pause
"hang on a minute"
sound of someone walking away, TV being turned down, someone walking back to the phone
"OK"
long pause
"Oh, by the way, this is a recording..."

Yes, he got me.

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This is the electronic butler.

or just

BEEEP.

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BOINC WIKI

For those that remember `Mork and Mindy`
Mork used to `phone home` telepathicaly at the end of each show.
And on one of them he got the other persons answerphone.
"I am sorry but i am out of my mind at the moment please call back later"
you get the idea :¬)

#1.

"Believe it or not, George isn't home.
Please leave a message after beep.
I must be out or I'll pick up the phone.
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not home."

#2.

The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.

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#resist

Dave 2, you really need to use that first one!!!

Hi! You've reached the Johnson residence. Due to all the fund-raising politicians, telemarketers with auto-dialers, and morons who can't correctly dial the local pizza place, we're sending all our calls to the answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you as soon as we get around to it.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

My answer phone already has HAL on it, using clips from the film. Probably breaks some copyright but i don't care.

It goes thusly:

Take a message please HAL
I'm sorry Dave, i'm afraid i can't do that
We've been over this before, my name's Simon. Now what's the problem?
I think you know what the problem is just as well as i do.
HAL, i won't ask again, take a message!
This conversation can serve no purpose any more.
*Beep*

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

Do not hang up.
Telemarketing Captcha must be solved to reach a human.
You have three tries or you will be 976 billed $1000.

To solve in Russian press 1
To solve in Greek press 2
To solve in Latin press 3
To solve in Aramaic press 4
To solve in Tagalog press 5
To solve in Pashto press 6
To solve in Hebrew press 7
To solve in Mandarin press 8
To solve in Spanglish press 9
To solve in French press 0
To repeat this menu press *
To accept 976 charge press # or hang up

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Hi! Julie's answering machine is broken. This is her refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I'll stick your message on myself with one of these magnets.

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rOZZ
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