What are PARAPROSDOKIANS?


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Profile Bob DeWoody
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Message 1135069 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 4:51:14 UTC

PARAPROSDOKIANS


I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.

OK, so now enjoy!


1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Words of Wisdom
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

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Bob DeWoody

My motto: Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow as it may not be required.

Profile Scarecrow
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Message 1135080 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 5:33:40 UTC

Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected

And here I thought that was the group that's all the time leaving Watch Towers on my door!

Does "I've never gone to bed with an ugly woman but I have woke up with a few." qualify?

Profile Bob DeWoody
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Message 1135084 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 5:45:46 UTC

I think that qualifies.
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Bob DeWoody

My motto: Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow as it may not be required.

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Message 1135085 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 5:48:23 UTC

To Err is human. To forgive is not our policy.
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Message 1135124 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 9:11:38 UTC

What are PARAPROSDOKIANS?


Errr, people who live in Paraprosdokia?
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KWSN - Sir William The Flagrantly Verbose
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Message 1135152 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 11:55:57 UTC - in response to Message 1135085.

To Err is human. To forgive is not our policy.


Here's a version from my days in the USMC:

To err is human. To forgive is Divine. Neither is Marine Corps policy.
____________

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - Orwell

KWSN - Sir William The Flagrantly Verbose
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Message 1135153 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 11:58:23 UTC

And another...

JOIN THE MARINES. TRAVEL TO EXCITING FOREIGN PLACES, MEET NEW EXOTIC PEOPLE... AND KILL THEM.

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"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - Orwell

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Message 1135155 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 12:00:18 UTC

When all else fails, Read the directions.
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Old James

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Message 1135170 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 12:55:36 UTC - in response to Message 1135153.

And another...

JOIN THE MARINES. TRAVEL TO EXCITING FOREIGN PLACES, MEET NEW EXOTIC PEOPLE... AND KILL THEM.



I always heard for the Army it was Join the Army, see the world... A shovel full at a time.

____________


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KWSN - Sir William The Flagrantly Verbose
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Message 1135178 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 13:07:22 UTC

The meek shall inherit the Earth... in 6 foot by 3 foot sections...
____________

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - Orwell

KWSN - Sir William The Flagrantly Verbose
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Message 1135186 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 13:23:39 UTC

"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite."
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"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - Orwell

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Message 1135196 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 13:46:51 UTC - in response to Message 1135085.

To Err is human. To forgive is not our policy.

To err is human. To f*** things up completely requires a computer.

Taken from the computer lab at my old college :).

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Message 1135198 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 13:51:41 UTC

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised"
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Message 1135273 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 23:11:08 UTC

Para wha?...
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Message 1135276 - Posted: 2 Aug 2011, 23:13:40 UTC - in response to Message 1135186.

"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite."

You have a point there Sir William
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Message 1135334 - Posted: 3 Aug 2011, 1:35:35 UTC - in response to Message 1135198.

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised"


ROFLMAO!

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"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - Orwell

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Message 1135356 - Posted: 3 Aug 2011, 3:03:50 UTC

The greatest thing about television is: If something important happens, at any time, anywhere in the world, ....You can always change the channel.
(Rev. Jim Ignatowski, Taxi)
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Message 1135517 - Posted: 3 Aug 2011, 15:46:50 UTC

No serious, what are paraprosdokians?
That word is even hard to type!
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Message 1135522 - Posted: 3 Aug 2011, 15:54:46 UTC - in response to Message 1135517.

No serious, what are paraprosdokians?
That word is even hard to type!


is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.[1]
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Message 1135620 - Posted: 3 Aug 2011, 19:16:57 UTC

I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx


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