Sorry if I continually unload on you folks, but I just don't know where else to go.

And if you are one who puts things in the category of 'more than I really wanted to know', you better hit the back button right now. And please don't give me any crap for doing so.

One of my casual bar buds and also a work friend just exited the scene this week.
Seems that on Friday last week, he was diagnosed with terminal throat cancer, and on Tuesday he chose to go away.....and did so. In a not so nice manner.

He will be missed by many....a good man.


But that leaves me here..............

Wondering what I would do in his shoes.

It was throat cancer.......he was a heavy drinker and smoker.....just as I am. The news must have hit him like a brick too hard to handle...apparently he had a mother and sister succumb to cancer as well, and did not want to go down the same road.

So I must ask myself.............

I have been a heavy drinker and smoker for at least as many years as him.....he was 50, I am 52.
What am I gonna do...it could come any day.



Another kitty poem coming on......meow.



When My Time Has Come...........


When my time has come,
please let me go.
When my time has come,
only my God will know.

He shall take me into his arms,
and no more sorrow I shall see.
When my time has come,
please let me be.

When my time has come,
you will not hold me here.
When my time has come
no matter how dear
I hold you and kiss you
and no matter how long
or no matter how much I love you, I'll be gone.

When my time has come,
kitties will be looking for one
who could love them as much
for the one who's gone on.
They will look up with forever loving eyes.
I am not sure kitties understand the vast skyes.

If I leave this world any time soon to see,
I hope I will leave it with the kitties
clinging to me.
With every last hope, and with every last breath,
I know that the kitties will see to my death.

I will see to it that somebody younger than I will care for the kitties in my sweet by and by,

So many are such that the things I have said.........
Have been bitched at and admonished for the things that you've read.

But it doesn't much matter when we have all been gone.
When our dance is all over, our song has been sung.

Death is still a figure untold.
At least to me, the story's untold.
A factor the mankind wishes to unfold.
HE won/t, and he cant, because it's greater than us.
Only upon death will the story be told thus.

He won't, and I am done here now.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Sounds like something similar to what My Dad did as He'd complained of intense pain and had been diagnosed with Prostate cancer and yet in a few days He had an appointment, So He also choose His way out, My poor doomed brother found Him the next day as He was going to take Dad to Dads Doctors appointment. sigh.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

Suicide is a very difficult subject to talk about, especially when it is those close to you that have chosen to end they're lives in such a way. My uncle was diagnosed with a brain tumour. He had cared for his mother who had a similar condition, and seen the pain she went through as well as the pressures that were put on the family as a result.
Not wanting the same for his wife and children - He wrote a letter to all of them, and chose to end his life on his terms and explained that he did not want to be a burden. In each envelope he had compiled an archive of pictures celebrating the good times he had with them. Although painful for those affected by his passing, I can respect his choice.
Its always going to be difficult but stay strong and remember the good times!!!

---

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
Vextor Homepage | Vextor Blog

Suicide is a very difficult subject to talk about, especially when it is those close to you that have chosen to end they're lives in such a way. My uncle was diagnosed with a brain tumour. He had cared for his mother who had a similar condition, and seen the pain she went through as well as the pressures that were put on the family as a result.
Not wanting the same for his wife and children - He wrote a letter to all of them, and chose to end his life on his terms and explained that he did not want to be a burden. In each envelope he had compiled an archive of pictures celebrating the good times he had with them. Although painful for those affected by his passing, I can respect his choice.
Its always going to be difficult but stay strong and remember the good times!!!

My younger brother chose the 'easier way out'.......

He had no medical problems.........
Just a young kid, got his GF knocked up.......drank too much.....made the wrong choice.........but, Christ............not THAT choice.

I had to go identify him on the slab a few hours later.
You know the bastards did not even have the thoughtfulness to wipe his blood off of the floor???????? That was the thing that always most haunted my dreams.........walking in there, thinking he might still go home with me, and seeing that blood trail on the floor.............like he was a piece of meat.

Guess they were never given 'what would you do in this situation' training.

And you wonder why I am little F'd up here sometimes???????

Ever see your brother on a slab? Still warm?? Kiss him goodbye???

Walk a mile in my f'n shoes...................
Then you might know the man.

I have told you more here than many have the right to know.

And really do not have to justify myself here anymore.

And then read all of my 'kitty threads'.......you shall see that I have held up rather well.

Post there..........I would rather see kitty pics than some sad attempts at trying to understand me here.


EDIT////

Now maybe some of you could possibly understand why I am A Man Of Constant Sorrow.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Suicide is a very difficult subject to talk about, especially when it is those close to you that have chosen to end they're lives in such a way. My uncle was diagnosed with a brain tumour. He had cared for his mother who had a similar condition, and seen the pain she went through as well as the pressures that were put on the family as a result.
Not wanting the same for his wife and children - He wrote a letter to all of them, and chose to end his life on his terms and explained that he did not want to be a burden. In each envelope he had compiled an archive of pictures celebrating the good times he had with them. Although painful for those affected by his passing, I can respect his choice.
Its always going to be difficult but stay strong and remember the good times!!!

My younger brother chose the 'easier way out'.......

He had no medical problems.........
Just a young kid, got his GF knocked up.......drank too much.....made the wrong choice.........but, Christ............not THAT choice.

I had to go identify him on the slab a few hours later.
You know the bastards did not even have the thoughtfulness to wipe his blood off of the floor???????? That was the thing that always most haunted my dreams.........walking in there, thinking he might still go home with me, and seeing that blood trail on the floor.............like he was a piece of meat.

Guess they were never given 'what would you do in this situation' training.

And you wonder why I am little F'd up here sometimes???????

Ever see your brother on a slab? Still warm?? Kiss him goodbye???

Walk a mile in my f'n shoes...................
Then you might know the man.

I have told you more here than many have the right to know.

And really do not have to justify myself here anymore.

And then read all of my 'kitty threads'.......you shall see that I have held up rather well.

Post there..........I would rather see kitty pics than some sad attempts at trying to understand me here.


EDIT////

Now maybe some of you could possibly understand why I am A Man Of Constant Sorrow.

I am here to serve you, my brothers.
But it still confounds me how some creatures on this earth seem to think that they are of a higher evolution than I........LOL.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

I don't thing I really should go on here.........
I just PM'd a friend about the time I crashed my '69 Firebird.

New Year's eve.........
About 35 years ago.
120 MPH down Main Street.
Right in front of the cop shop.
No driver's license.
.38 special Smith and Wesson in my right boot.
Half a bottle of sloe gin in the back seat.
And a 16YO honey riding shotgun.

Try explaining THAT to the cops.
I did manage to run down the street to my usual tavvy and ditch the .38...
Had a couple of more shots of whiskey with the proprietor.......it couldn't hurt much at that point.

Ran back down the street to where my car had been.........and it was gone.

Makes for a good story now.......but it cost me a lot back then.

Got another tale about my '67 Pontiac GTO.........and my '72 Buick GS..


Hoo hah.............

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

The GS455 was a honey.........
Stock 455 Buick.......
and before I bought it, somebody had played with the pistons and cam.....

Put pop-up shocks on the front end to transfer the weight to the rears when you took off.............would pop the fronts offa the ground.
Not too many wannabes challenged me at the lights.

The '67 GTO was another rig altogether.
Was a decomissioned drag race car.

The guy that owned it did not tell me that.
But he had taken out the full race drag motor and dropped in 480cid something or other that he had played with. Not a good car for a 19yo kid to be playing with.
Especially one given at a young age to booze and horsepower.

Tried to outrun the cops one night.......made if halfway through town.
Spun 'er out with the Mickey Thompsons making a lotta smoke...
Paid dearly for that one too.

And another one..........
My '69 GS400......well, not actually a 400. LOL.
It was a 455........ramped up cam and high rise pistons........
And the world's best aluminum case Muncie transmission with a Hurst T shifter.....

I won a lotta money back then with the high school crowd betting that I couid do 0-100 without using the clutch.

The other bet was that I could get the fronts offa the ground at takeoff.......which I won too.

Or the side street with the railroad track crossing that I could get all four off of the pavement.....they would pay to see that....LOL.
That one lasted until the day I street raced the smart-ass in his daddy's Mustang.

He locked up a right-front wheel bearing and rolled it into a cow pasture at about 110mph.......was not pretty, even in my rear view mirror.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Hey Kittyman, My father had the same lifestyle as you and I'd thought that he'd end up w/ a bad liver or throat Cancer... But in the weirdness that is life he ended up w/ bone cancer of all things. He's been gone for awhile now. I guess life loves to throw us curve balls. My condolences for your freind.

---

Nobody is nobody. Everyone has something to offer

Hey Kittyman, My father had the same lifestyle as you and I'd thought that he'd end up w/ a bad liver or throat Cancer... But in the weirdness that is life he ended up w/ bone cancer of all things. He's been gone for awhile now. I guess life loves to throw us curve balls. My condolences for your freind.

Thanks....

I guess it's up to God to decide who, how, why, and when.

Some of us rowdies back in high school have managed to outlive all expectations that anybody had back then for our survival....myself included.
And some of the most meek have long since left the scene.

Some of the worst have stuck around, and some of the best have been taken from us.

I managed to avoid taking myself out in my younger years in more than one testosterone and horsepower fueled incident.

Guess there are other plans for me.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Hey Kittyman, My father had the same lifestyle as you and I'd thought that he'd end up w/ a bad liver or throat Cancer... But in the weirdness that is life he ended up w/ bone cancer of all things. He's been gone for awhile now. I guess life loves to throw us curve balls. My condolences for your freind.

Thanks....

I guess it's up to God to decide who, how, why, and when.

He sometimes sends warnings ...

Guess there are other plans for me.

Today.

---

Hey Kittyman, My father had the same lifestyle as you and I'd thought that he'd end up w/ a bad liver or throat Cancer... But in the weirdness that is life he ended up w/ bone cancer of all things. He's been gone for awhile now. I guess life loves to throw us curve balls. My condolences for your freind.

Thanks....

I guess it's up to God to decide who, how, why, and when.

He sometimes sends warnings ...

Guess there are other plans for me.

Today.

Every day is a bonus.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Man, cancer is a ...you know what. So often it gets diagnosed right at the end, unless found in a check up. By the time you have symptoms, it's usually advanced.

My grandmother went to the doctor because she had swelling in an ankle. Surprise, it's stage 4 non-hodgkins lymphoma and she's not a candidate for chemo given her age. They did some radiation and gave her 6 months.

About 6 weeks after that, my uncle (her son) had some painless swelling in his neck and went to the doctor. Surprise, it's stage 4 non-hodgkins lymphoma. He's on chemo now and they're giving him 2 years tops.

About 2 months after that (the other day), my aunt went to the doctor because of headaches, dizziness, and disorientation. Inoperable brain cancer. They need the full results of the PET scan to give her a time line though.

Early detection is key I suppose. Only thing I can say is what you probably already know; stay regular with your doctor. Have a PSA done for prostate cancer, colonoscopy, or request testing for any area of concern.

Sorry to hear of your loss. Best wishes.

Failed you all.........

Picked up whiskey and cigs at the pickup down the road at my work break last night.

Failed myself too, I guess.

I never told anybody I was gonna keep the cap off permanently............
I am not there yet.

The smoking thing I would like to dump......like, yesterday.
I will work on that first. And our bastard governor in Wisconsin just jumped on our butt with another .75 cents a tax on the things yesterday......the prick.

And I know it is really hard to divorce the two habits.......so maybe this is the harder road to go.'
But, as the saying goes.........
I've been in tougher jambs.

Like that time back in 'bout '79 with that underage chicky in the back seat with a bottle of Sloe Gin 'tween her legs when I crashed the Firebird with a .38 special in my boot. Shoulda married her.

Or the time I got hauled outta the window of my '67 Pontiac by the cops when I slid 'er across the intersection whilst trying to outrun them. They were right.....you can't outrun a radio....LOL.

But I asked the cop, as he was pulling me through the window by me neck......
"Does this mean the game is over?"

He did not see the humour in that, and proceeded to 'introduce my face to the ground'.......I can get you the court transcripts on that quote.

Which broke my nose, and made me look really lovely in court the next day.

I can laugh about it now, but it was not pretty at the time.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster