Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2009, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by 'chicken'? Could you define 'chicken', please?

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

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me@rescam.org

Ugly racial litmus tests

By Ruben Navarrette
San Diego Union Tribune

October 25, 2009

Are we post-racial yet? Not so much.

Recently, there have been some ugly racial skirmishes. And we're not talking about the hate crimes, ethnic harassment and racial discrimination that get so much publicity. Sometimes, the harshest attacks are intraracial. They occur within the family.

Some people of color have this ridiculous and destructive habit of judging each other's racial and ethnic authenticity. It's both comical and sad, since the people who do it often have deep insecurities about their racial and ethnic credentials.

I've been on both ends of the sword. In college, to mask my own doubts about whether I was Latino enough, I used to judge my fellow Latinos as culturally inadequate. Since then, the same thing has happened to me. A perusal of liberal Web sites informs me that I'm a “vendido” (sellout), a “Rethug,” (Republican thug), a “coconut” (brown on the outside, white on the inside), and a “fake Hispanic” — all, no doubt, to the delight of white liberals who prefer that Latinos like me refrain from thinking for ourselves.

Sometimes, it's my appearance and background — light skin, middle class, poor Spanish, etc. — that cause fellow Latinos to view me with suspicion or even hostility. More often, it's the things I write. The Latino left attacked me when, during the immigration debate, I came out in favor of workplace raids, sped-up deportations and more resources for the Border Patrol. They were no more pleased when, on other fronts, I opposed bilingual education, racial preferences and Latino boycotts.

Curiously, they think I'm wrong even when they agree with me. Case in point: Recently, I went on CNN's “Newsroom” and criticized Maricopa County, Ariz., Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Liberal bloggers applauded — then turned around and attacked me for also defending, at one point, conservative Latinos Alberto Gonzales and Miguel Estrada.

This isn't just a Latino thing. African-Americans have also been known to bash each other. Black conservatives Clarence Thomas, Shelby Steele, Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams and others know what it's like to be deemed inadequately black. So does Bill Cosby, who was raked over the coals by academics and other members of the African-American left for sharing uncomfortable truths about what ails the black community.

Another person who has done that effectively and has the bruises to show for it is my friend Juan Williams, a Fox News contributor and analyst for National Public Radio.

Recently, during an appearance on Fox's “The O'Reilly Factor,” Williams defended Rush Limbaugh's free-speech rights and criticized NFL owners for caving into racial intimidation tactics. Left-wing radio talk show host Warren Ballentine, who was also on the segment, disagreed with Williams and said that Limbaugh's comments were offensive to “real black people.” After Williams pushed back with another rebuttal, Ballentine — clearly out of ammunition — landed a cheap shot, telling Williams to “go back to the porch.”

The inference: That Williams is an Uncle Tom.

This isn't Williams' first rodeo. The arbitrators of blackness went after him in 2006 for his insightful book “Enough: The Phony Leaders, Dead-End Movements, and Culture of Failure That Are Undermining Black America — And What We Can Do About It.” They did it again in 2007 when he defended Bill O'Reilly for an innocent comment that O'Reilly made on his radio show about how he had visited a restaurant in Harlem and “couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference” between the black-run establishment and others in New York City. Professor Boyce Watkins of Syracuse University responded by calling Williams a “happy Negro” during an appearance on CNN.

Lovely. Maybe besides the racial litmus test, there's some professional jealousy at work here since Williams has such a large audience.

It turns out that these rigid standards of what it means to be black can also be applied to children's toys. Mattel Inc. recently released three new African-American Barbies — Grace, Kara and Trichelle — to fill a void for young black girls who have, for generations, had to play with dolls that don't look like them.

African-American women have begun to complain that the black Barbies aren't black enough because their hair is straight and light brown. The critics said they would have preferred more natural black hairstyles such as Afros and braids.

Funny. Kids I've seen quoted in news articles say they like the dolls. They don't seem bothered by the controversy. That's very grown-up of them. Then again, as we've seen, in these uncivil wars, sometimes it's the grown-ups who act most like children.

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me@rescam.org

NAVARRETTE is another one of those Affirmative Action dudes who, like Clarence THOMAS, emerged from their Democratic-sponsored hand-up apparently traumatized and self-hating, therefore committed to lashing out at anything Democratic and favoring every wingnut position.

Ostensibly, the angle that hooked NAVARRETTE is that Hispanics ought to be free agents, not be "owned" by the Democratic Party. The wee problem with this is that the alternative is to "belong" to the wingnuts, who just want Hispanics to be their (literal) yardmen and houseboys. Yep, there's something wrong with Affirmative Action, since those "Liberal" colleges turn pod minds into wingnuts. The suspect mechanism for teaching this supposed "independent thinking" is the devil's advocate gimmick, which tends to make the pod mind think it is very, very smart--smarter than the evidence supports.

In 2002, he was lecturing the Democratic Party on "loyalty" to Victor MORALES, the MORALES who later refused to support the Democratic nominee in the general election. I don't remember his opinion of the other MORALES, the one who openly turned coat and endorsed Governor Goodhair and who is now in the pen, but Dan holds a lesson for "independent" houseboys.

NAVARRETTE is a lesser version, in the bottom tiers, of wingnuts, never to be so big as HANNITY, who also likes to give advice to the Democratic Party--and certainly not in the class of intellect of PAGLIA and BUCKLEY, the masters of the wingnut pretzel trick: Twisting themselves into rhetorical convolutions about wingnut scoundrelism only to emerge ALWAYS on the wingnut side of things, the way BUCKLEY would ALWAYS end up blessing NIXON. In a lesser way, NAVARRETTE pretzels himself only to come down, miraculously, against every traditional position of his home minority group and on the side of Shrub...

http://tinyurl.com/NeoUnionTribuneCons

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Newspulper Headlines:

What Were His Numbers in 1959?: "Barack Obama Sees Worst Poll Rating Drop in 50 Years" --Daily Telegraph (London)

And He Definitely Can't Walk on Water: "Obama Not Expected to Stop Traffic" --Advocate (Stamford, CT)

Keep 'Fighting Back,' Mr. President: "Endangered Fox Lives for Another Day" --Daily News (New York)

He's Not Satisfied With a Sweetheart Mortgage Deal?: "Dodd Wants Immediate Rate Freeze on Credit Cards" --Associated Press

We Blame Global Warming: "Polar Bear Flocke to Move to France" --MSNBC.com

Nothing Gets Past the FDA: "Sugar Cereals Are 'Smart Choices'? FDA Not So Sure" --Associated Press

Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Kerry Becomes All-Around Adviser to Obama" --Associated Press

News You Can Use: "Bernanke: U.S. Should Cut Budget Deficit" --Associated Press

Bottom Stories of the Day: "Obama Expresses Frustration at Criticism" --Washington Examiner

(Thanks to The Wall Street Journal's James Taranto)

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[/img]

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Great board game!

While Obama does indeed own GM and Chrysler, I believe that the Shrub and Paulson bought the rest of the properties.

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Join the PACK!

W put a down payment on the financial woes of this country in general. He ignored everything and everyone. Tossed out $600 checks to stimulate the economy. then got himself into not 1 but 2 endless wars. Wars that he refused to have financed by the normal annual means but by emergency spending every couple of months. making his annual budget look lean and mean. In reality it was just mean to try and fool us.

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In a rich man's house there is no place to spit but his face.
Diogenes Of Sinope

W put a down payment on the financial woes of this country in general. He ignored everything and everyone. Tossed out $600 checks to stimulate the economy. then got himself into not 1 but 2 endless wars. Wars that he refused to have financed by the normal annual means but by emergency spending every couple of months. making his annual budget look lean and mean. In reality it was just mean to try and fool us.

old-hat. Let it go...

W put a down payment on the financial woes of this country in general. He ignored everything and everyone. Tossed out $600 checks to stimulate the economy. then got himself into not 1 but 2 endless wars. Wars that he refused to have financed by the normal annual means but by emergency spending every couple of months. making his annual budget look lean and mean. In reality it was just mean to try and fool us.

Article I Section 7: All Bills for raising Revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives;
That wasn't W.

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W put a down payment on the financial woes of this country in general. He ignored everything and everyone. Tossed out $600 checks to stimulate the economy. then got himself into not 1 but 2 endless wars. Wars that he refused to have financed by the normal annual means but by emergency spending every couple of months. making his annual budget look lean and mean. In reality it was just mean to try and fool us.

old-hat. Let it go...

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me@rescam.org

W put a down payment on the financial woes of this country in general. He ignored everything and everyone. Tossed out $600 checks to stimulate the economy. then got himself into not 1 but 2 endless wars. Wars that he refused to have financed by the normal annual means but by emergency spending every couple of months. making his annual budget look lean and mean. In reality it was just mean to try and fool us.

Article I Section 7: All Bills for raising Revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives;
That wasn't W.

yes it was. The request for the money comes in the form of the federal budget. WHen the executive dept intentionally fudges about what they need money for it most certainly is theri problem. But then I'd be arguing that the color orange is really not a color but a manifestation of light hitting the rods and cones coating the retina.

Emergency spending was requested quarterly from the W administration to support the war. Its nice to know how things financial start in congress. Its also nice to know that federal depts must request money from congress as part of the budget. Neglecting to ask for money was intentional and also made the budget look lean. The emergency spending is no more than what Obama is doing now. The only difference is that Obama doesnt expect Americans to be so easily fooled by past tactics. Its called being honest. He so far budget wise appears to be so

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In a rich man's house there is no place to spit but his face.
Diogenes Of Sinope

W put a down payment on the financial woes of this country in general. He ignored everything and everyone. Tossed out $600 checks to stimulate the economy. then got himself into not 1 but 2 endless wars. Wars that he refused to have financed by the normal annual means but by emergency spending every couple of months. making his annual budget look lean and mean. In reality it was just mean to try and fool us.

Article I Section 7: All Bills for raising Revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives;
That wasn't W.

yes it was. The request for the money comes in the form of the federal budget. WHen the executive dept intentionally fudges about what they need money for it most certainly is theri problem. But then I'd be arguing that the color orange is really not a color but a manifestation of light hitting the rods and cones coating the retina.

Emergency spending was requested quarterly from the W administration to support the war. Its nice to know how things financial start in congress. Its also nice to know that federal depts must request money from congress as part of the budget. Neglecting to ask for money was intentional and also made the budget look lean. The emergency spending is no more than what Obama is doing now. The only difference is that Obama doesnt expect Americans to be so easily fooled by past tactics. Its called being honest. He so far budget wise appears to be so

Belief that there is such thing as an 'honest polition' should be discussed in Alt.conspiracy, imo... lol

"The real destroyer of the liberties of the people is he who spreads among them bounties, donations and benefits." --Greek historian Plutarch (c. 46-120 A.D.)

Newspulper Headlines:

A Republic, if You Can Keep It: "King: One Year After Obama's Victory" --CNN.com

If This Is News, Crime Must Really Be Down: "Burglary Reported in North America" --Daily Register (Harrisburg, IL)

Is That Like Being Too Big to Fail?: "Lawyer Says Florida Man Is Too Fat to Kill in New Jersey Murder Case" --ABCNews.com

We Still Predict He'll Die: "Revealed: Lockerbie Bomber Defies Doctors' Prediction of Death" --Daily Telegraph (London)

Pigeons Land Safely After Hitting Planes -- Now That Would Be News: "Northwest Plane Lands Safely After Hitting Pigeons" --FoxNews.com

Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Animals Take Over Downtown Library" --Free Lance-Star (Fredericksburg, VA)

News You Can Use: "Feminism Wasn't Meant to Guarantee Happiness" --Arizona Daily Star (Tucson)

Bottom Stories of the Day: "$900 Billion House Health-Care Reform Bill Likely to Cost More Than $900 Billion" --Reason.com

(Thanks to The Wall Street Journal's James Taranto)

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While I frequently re-print articles by Dr. Paul Krugman, there was a comment to his Monday column which was even better.

"From 7,000 miles away in Australia, it is looking like America is in real trouble managing its democracy. So many angry voters who pay little attention to facts and an awful lot of knee-jerk populism that is poisoning the body politic of your fine country.

The rest of the first world just shakes their collective heads in amazement that universal health care, decent pay and conditions for workers (yes, even in recessions) and quarantining education budgets are not publicly supported in the USA. Cutting in any of these areas damages the social fabric and cripples a generation of new students and workers. It is so short-sighted, especially in the wealthiest nation in the world. I have no idea how you folks can stop the madness, but if you don't, America will soon be a very scary place indeed.

I remember living in the US in the 80's during Reagan's time and thinking that I couldn't wait to get back home to a country where ordinary people's lives were much easier. Australia is one of the wealthiest nations in the world (and we didn't go into recession)and yet we have managed to do that without rabid right wing economic policies.

We have universal health care, comprehensive social security and high minimum wages and an excellent govt education system. No-one who visits see any signs of national socialism or communism - just ordinary citizens who don't face bankruptcy, homelessness or starvation just because they have become ill or lost their job."

angela469
New South Wales, Australia

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Join the PACK!

i like that post but you'll still get the nutbags saying that that is only 1 persons opinion

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In a rich man's house there is no place to spit but his face.
Diogenes Of Sinope

Newspulper Headlines:

We Blame George W. Bush: "Chinese Syphilis Outbreak Blamed on Economic Boom" --Associated Press

We Blame Global Warming: "Chinese Scientists in Hot Water Over Icy Weather" --Taipei Times

Breaking News From 1992: "Obama's Honeymoon Is Over" --U.S. News & World Report

Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Olbermann, Hannity Get Along at World Series" --TVNewser.com, Nov. 5

News You Can Use: "Expert: Open Window, Not Phone, if Vehicle Is Under Water" --Canadian Press

Bottom Story of the Day: "Leaf Pickup Continues for City Streets" --Worcester (MA) Telegram & Gazette

(Thanks to The Wall Street Journal's James Taranto)

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It looks like the guys over at LHC finally got the thing to work.

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Newspulper Headlines:

Be Careful What You Wish For: "Pelosi Hopes to Finish Health Bill as 'Christmas Present'" --TheHill.com ++ "Woman Shocked to See Swastikas on Wrapping Paper" --WESH-TV Web site (Orlando, FL)

Nancy Pelosi Had a Similar Excuse: "Suspected US Serial Killer Blamed Stench on Sausage Factory" --Agence France-Presse

Is There Anything He Can't Do?: "In First Visit to China, Obama Walks a Tightrope" --Associated Press

We Blame Global Warming: "Russian Cruise Ship Carrying 100 Tourists Stuck in Antarctic Ice" --FoxNews.com

Questions Nobody Is Asking: "Are Republicans Too Giddy?" --CNN.com

Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control: "Asteroid Passes Just 8,700 Miles From Earth -- With Only 15 Hours Warning" --Daily Mail (London)

Bottom Stories of the Day: "Kerry Warns on Vietnam Parallels" --Boston Globe

(Thanks to The Wall Street Journal's James Taranto)