but goodies

ROFLMAO! Indeed!

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

Now THIS...
Is one of my favorite comics.
And mind you, George Carlin is one of my idols.

But, I have to give Jeff the kitty seal of approval.

For, here is a comedian who can do stand up making folks grab their sides without resorting to obscenities, sick sad jokes (you know the kind, the one where the comedian says it and then stands there for a few seconds with this quizzical look on his face to see if he got away with it...).

He can make fun of himself, as a redneck. Without accusing others or making them feel uncomfortable. He taps the redneck in all of us. Heck, I got a '72 Buick frame in my yard. The BACK yard. Been there since '80, when I moved in.

Yup, I do like Jeff Foxworthy.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Dead Crows.

Over 200 dead crows were found near Inverness recently, and there
was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird
Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to
everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT
Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying
colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By
analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the
crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were
killed by an impact with a car.

An Ornithological Behaviourist was then hired to determine if
there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck
kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist very quickly concluded the cause:
when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a
nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that
while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one
could shout "Truck."

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

Q: What's the difference between Manchester United and Prince Andrew?

A: Prince Andrew never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

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A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously. "I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act." "Well, show me," the officer demanded. The driver got out the machetes and started juggling them, starting with three, then more, and then finally seven at one time. He juggled them overhand, underhand, and behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. As another car passed by, the driver did a double take, and said to himself, "I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

ROFLMAO

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With each crime and every kindness we birth our future.

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY"
And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!

Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka!

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
Granny replies, bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.
Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'

A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.'
He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'

An elderly couple is attending church. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

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There is an old saying.......which goes like this'n.

'Never argue with a pig.
It wastes your breath.
And annoys the shit out of the pig.'

Which the pig, given the grace of God, already knows how to do, Son.

You don't wish to be on either side of a pig.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Never ever upset nurses.....

A big shot accountant had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry," said the nurse, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his backside.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out. He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.

After about 20 minutes, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"


After a pause, the doctor confessed... "Not with a daffodil."

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After a pause, the doctor confessed... "Not with a daffodil."

You've excelled yourself Sirius, totally excelled yourself :-)

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

They were so good I read them to LSM
and she laughed out loud.

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The UK's new Air Defence.....

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Sure need an aircraft-carrier for that one! ;)

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

Looks like a cormorant....

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It's about all we can afford these days, we flogged all ours off cheap to the Yanks. Mind you ours were Harriers, I think that may be a Gannet?

What do we want with yours? We have enough of our own.

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David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

It's about all we can afford these days, we flogged all ours off cheap to the Yanks. Mind you ours were Harriers, I think that may be a Gannet?

What do we want with yours? We have enough of our own.

So why did you buy them?

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It's about all we can afford these days, we flogged all ours off cheap to the Yanks. Mind you ours were Harriers, I think that may be a Gannet?

What do we want with yours? We have enough of our own.

So why did you buy them?

Good question. Ask whoever the Secretary of Defense was at the time. Better yet, I'll ask him.

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David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

It's about all we can afford these days, we flogged all ours off cheap to the Yanks. Mind you ours were Harriers, I think that may be a Gannet?

What do we want with yours? We have enough of our own.

So why did you buy them?

Good question. Ask whoever the Secretary of Defense was at the time. Better yet, I'll ask him.

If it would be that easy...

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

Any coffee lovers here?

You sure you love coffee?

Are you really sure you love coffee?

Are you absolutely sure you love coffee?

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Any coffee lovers here?

You sure you love coffee?

Are you really sure you love coffee?

Are you absolutely sure you love coffee?

I'm absolutely sure I hate coffee, and have since long before not reading that article.

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David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.