The joke thread Part 3.


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Profile Michael Belanger
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Message 1247793 - Posted: 18 Jun 2012, 3:23:31 UTC

The New F-15 "Float Eagle":


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msattler
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Message 1247802 - Posted: 18 Jun 2012, 3:35:43 UTC
Last modified: 18 Jun 2012, 3:52:30 UTC

Even Dean Martin.
Professional comedian that he was, could not contain himself during this skit.
He lost it.
Foster Brooks........the airlline pilot skit.[url=]You are not a pilot? No, I I have never been on television.[/url]. The plane lost an engine........Don't worry, it'l turn up.[/url]
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Message 1247805 - Posted: 18 Jun 2012, 3:47:09 UTC - in response to Message 1247802.

Even Dean Martin.
Professional comedian that he was, could not contain himself during this skit.
He lost it.
Foster Brooks........the airlline pilot skit.
[url=]You you are not a pilot? No, I I have never been on telvision. Don't worry, it'l turn up.[/url]

Um, Mark? Your URL seems to be a bit broken...
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msattler
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Message 1247807 - Posted: 18 Jun 2012, 3:49:49 UTC - in response to Message 1247805.

Even Dean Martin.
Professional comedian that he was, could not contain himself during this skit.
He lost it.
Foster Brooks........the airlline pilot skit.
[url=]You you are not a pilot? No, I I have never been on telvision. Don't worry, it'l turn up.[/url]

Um, Mark? Your URL seems to be a bit broken...

Working on it,.......
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Profile Sirius B
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Message 1251808 - Posted: 26 Jun 2012, 14:02:22 UTC




I coudn't stop......



They sent it to a Microsoft Partner......
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msattler
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Message 1251989 - Posted: 27 Jun 2012, 7:46:09 UTC - in response to Message 1247807.
Last modified: 27 Jun 2012, 7:49:32 UTC

Even Dean Martin.
Professional comedian that he was, could not contain himself during this skit.
He lost it.
Foster Brooks........the airlline pilot skit.
[url=]You you are not a pilot? No, I I have never been on telvision. Don't worry, it'l turn up.[/url]

Um, Mark? Your URL seems to be a bit broken...

Working on it,.......

I suppose I should finally post the link properly.....LOL.

Before things got so politically correct.
Martin is laughing so hard, he gets out his hanky to wipe the tears from his eyes......
You sure you're not a pilot?
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Profile Michael Belanger
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Message 1252507 - Posted: 28 Jun 2012, 4:42:56 UTC - in response to Message 1251989.

Even Dean Martin.
Professional comedian that he was, could not contain himself during this skit.
He lost it.
Foster Brooks........the airlline pilot skit.
[url=]You you are not a pilot? No, I I have never been on telvision. Don't worry, it'l turn up.[/url]

Um, Mark? Your URL seems to be a bit broken...

Working on it,.......

I suppose I should finally post the link properly.....LOL.

Before things got so politically correct.
Martin is laughing so hard, he gets out his hanky to wipe the tears from his eyes......
You sure you're not a pilot?

Funny thing is, Foster Brooks was never drunk; apparently someone bet him that he couldn't stay sober for (I forgot the length of time), and he stayed sober the rest of his life!
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Message 1255998 - Posted: 5 Jul 2012, 18:39:44 UTC

Trying to give the weed? Then don't use the new electronic cigarettes, it might get a bit dangerous for you....

Electronic Cigarette Terror Alert
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Message 1256135 - Posted: 6 Jul 2012, 0:05:43 UTC - in response to Message 1255998.

Trying to give the weed? Then don't use the new electronic cigarettes, it might get a bit dangerous for you....

Electronic Cigarette Terror Alert

One passenger every 10 minutes for 48 passengers? That is 470 minutes start to finish or about 8 hours. That is substantially more than the 4 hours reported for the whole incident.

(NOTE, 10 * 48 is 480 minutes, but the first passenger would leave at time 0, not time 10, so I subtracted 10 minutes).
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Message 1257179 - Posted: 7 Jul 2012, 19:47:35 UTC

Guess the Joke was on me........meowsigh.
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Message 1260449 - Posted: 14 Jul 2012, 23:01:15 UTC

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the
classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and
their meanings.

The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion
on the word 'tragedy'. So our illustrious president asked the class for an
example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm,
is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would
be a tragedy." "No," said Obama "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
over a cliff, killling everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid
not," explained Obama. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched
the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of
a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a
quiet voice he said, "If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was
struck by a 'friendly fire' missle and blown to smithereens, that would
be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Obama. "That's right. And can you tell me why
that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell
wouldn't be a great loss.... and you can bet your ass it's probably not
an accident either."
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Message 1260740 - Posted: 15 Jul 2012, 18:05:18 UTC

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

"Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen.. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem ? "

"It's swollen," Fred replied

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Message 1279683 - Posted: 3 Sep 2012, 16:46:08 UTC


WEE SCOTTISH BLONDE
On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in Glasgow were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through".
So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through".
The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park......." Then the power went off. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?"
Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice, that men who are married to blondes always exhibit, the husband replied "Why don't you just leave the bloody car in the garage this time?"

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Message 1281100 - Posted: 7 Sep 2012, 17:31:17 UTC

What do you call a guy who takes too long to take his swing in golf?


A putts
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Message 1296528 - Posted: 18 Oct 2012, 14:37:06 UTC

Rise of passive-aggresive wi-fi names

Mines "HMP Whitemarsh"
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Message 1296574 - Posted: 18 Oct 2012, 16:02:38 UTC

Now, we all know that the Irish keep their Armies up their sleevies, and that you don't knock on the door of one of their submarines, but .....

Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!'

He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!'

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home.'

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman.

'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy.

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Message 1297578 - Posted: 21 Oct 2012, 13:28:23 UTC

This just has to be the joke of the decade......

craziest stag stunt ever?
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Message 1346114 - Posted: 13 Mar 2013, 11:12:16 UTC

Anyone else following the Papal election? The result is announced by black smoke, or white smoke....

.... trouble is, all my TV can show is fifty shades of grey.

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Message 1346126 - Posted: 13 Mar 2013, 12:09:18 UTC - in response to Message 1346114.

Anyone else following the Papal election? The result is announced by black smoke, or white smoke....

.... trouble is, all my TV can show is fifty shades of grey.


So does the book;)
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Message 1346128 - Posted: 13 Mar 2013, 12:11:41 UTC

Just about sums up that particular religion!

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