RULES OF THE AIRWAYS

Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.

Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first!

Everyone knows a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But a 'great landing is one after which you can use the airplane again.

The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

Was that a landing or were we shot down?

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

Trust your captain.... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.

Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.

A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!

Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw!

Gravity SUCKS!!

Some of the most useless things to a pilot:
1. The runway behind you
2. The fuel you've burned
3. The sky above you
4. The Approach plates (you forgot) in your car

[feel free to add to the list, pilots]

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RULES OF THE AIRWAYS

Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.

Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first!

Everyone knows a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But a 'great landing is one after which you can use the airplane again.

The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

Was that a landing or were we shot down?

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

Trust your captain.... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.

Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.

A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!

Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw!

Gravity SUCKS!!

Some of the most useless things to a pilot:
1. The runway behind you
2. The fuel you've burned
3. The sky above you
4. The Approach plates (you forgot) in your car

[feel free to add to the list, pilots]

No. 2 is also seen as "the fuel in the truck back on the ramp". And don't forget number 5, "the speed above the little pointer on the ASI". Here are some others that got me this far:

It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than to be up there wishing you were down here.

Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

Two statements from your pilot that are good reasons to eject: "eject eject eject" and "hey, watch this". (another version of this, from a preflight briefing by an ex-military pilot: "If I say eject eject eject, and you ask why, you will be talking to yourself".)

Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an airplane flies because of money.

And some more from my first flight instructor, my father:

I don't care how good the heater and the air conditioner are, you always dress like you are going to walk home.

There are 27 instruments in front of you, but the only one you can trust is the clock.

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RULES OF THE AIRWAYS

Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory.

Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.

Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky.

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first!

Everyone knows a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But a 'great landing is one after which you can use the airplane again.

The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.

Was that a landing or were we shot down?

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

Trust your captain.... but keep your seat belt securely fastened.

Be nice to your first officer, he may be your captain at your next airline.

Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind.

A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.

Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.

There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!

Gravity never loses! The best you can hope for is a draw!

Gravity SUCKS!!

Some of the most useless things to a pilot:
1. The runway behind you
2. The fuel you've burned
3. The sky above you
4. The Approach plates (you forgot) in your car

[feel free to add to the list, pilots]

No. 2 is also seen as "the fuel in the truck back on the ramp". And don't forget number 5, "the speed above the little pointer on the ASI". Here are some others that got me this far:

It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than to be up there wishing you were down here.

Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

Two statements from your pilot that are good reasons to eject: "eject eject eject" and "hey, watch this". (another version of this, from a preflight briefing by an ex-military pilot: "If I say eject eject eject, and you ask why, you will be talking to yourself".)

Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an airplane flies because of money.

And the more money you put into it, the better it flies (ask me, I'm an A&P - LOL)

And some more from my first flight instructor, my father:

I don't care how good the heater and the air conditioner are, you always dress like you are going to walk home.

Good advice, Bill.

There are 27 instruments in front of you, but the only one you can trust is the clock.

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After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I.

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Q
Do you know why italians are so small.
A
Father told them if you grow up you have to work.

no offense meant.

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With each crime and every kindness we birth our future.

Q
Do you know why italians are so small.
A
Father told them if you grow up you have to work.

no offense meant.

Q: Why do Germans drive so fast on the Autobahn?

A: They drink all that beer, and the toilets are very far apart.

No offence meant (Keine Handlung bedeutet) ;)

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Q
Do you know why italians are so small.
A
Father told them if you grow up you have to work.

no offense meant.

Q: Why do Germans drive so fast on the Autobahn?

A: They drink all that beer, and the toilets are very far apart.

No offence meant (Keine Handlung bedeutet) ;)

LOL no, we dont like to miss too much LOL.

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With each crime and every kindness we birth our future.

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

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BOINC WIKI

good one John . . .

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BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

Q: Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?

A: He's a fungi.

YOU MAY NEED A NEW PSYCHIC IF...

* He keeps shaking black crystal ball and says, "Ask again later."

* Every time you draw the Death card, she yells "Go Fish!"

* Looks suspiciously like that guy who fixed your muffler last week.

* His idea of an "out of body experience" involves whipped cream and women's clothing.

* His spoon bending requires two pliers.

* Sign in window: "As Seen on '60 Minutes."

* During card-reading, asks if you want to "hit" or "stand."

* Insists that your astrological sign is "The Armadillo."

* Psychics Magazine rates her just below fortune cookies, just above your mom.

* Repeatedly attempts to read your palm with his genitalia.

* Shakes her crystal ball, then predicts a large snowstorm.

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

What do you call a 4'10" size 1 psychich on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

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BOINC WIKI

$8 Bill
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.

He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.

The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

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Old enough to know better(but)still young enough not to care

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A salesman is driving toward home in northern Ontario when he sees an Indian thumbing for a ride on the side of the road.
As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Indian gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in bag?", the Indian asks the driver.

The driver says, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The Indian is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

The Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

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A salesman is driving toward home in northern Ontario when he sees an Indian thumbing for a ride on the side of the road.
As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Indian gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in bag?", the Indian asks the driver.

The driver says, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The Indian is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."

I agree: that was a good one too! LOL

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